Thursday, October 15, 2009

Rascal Flatts Rocks My World

I always think it’s weird when you think of a song and then you turn the radio on and that song is playing. If you’re like me then you sometimes start singing a song and then hear it. I’m on this tangent, because Tuesday night, I was listening to one of my favorite Rascal Flatts’ songs when I started singing one of their other songs and decided to listen to that song instead. I listened to it a couple of times Tuesday and a little bit obsessively on Wednesday. Wednesday night, I was checking the guide and saw that Rascal Flatts was going to be on Conan O’Brien. I decided to try to turn for the last couple of minutes so I could see which song Rascal Flatts performed. I love most of their songs, so I knew I would enjoy it, no matter which song it was. And of course, you know where this is leading. They performed the song I had been listening to all day long. It really is a sad song. I wondered why they decided to sing that depressing song on Conan, but I was more fascinated by the kismet of it all. I rarely check to see what is on Conan. I hardly ever watch Conan anymore. Yet there I was, on that night, flipping through the guide and finding Rascal Flatts and there they were, singing that song. I guess it was just one of those things. Anyway, here’s the song I kept playing yesterday:

Status: Hoping everyone knows that life is worth the fight.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

No Homo. Again.

Have you ever pointed something out and then days later someone else says it and you have no way of proving that you noticed it first? It seems more people have finally taken notice of the term “no homo.” It certainly took long enough! The beauty of having a blog is that that I can say I brought up the term months ago and I have the blog to prove it. I blogged about it way back in January.

I do not like the term. I find it both offensive and ignorant. No homo? Really? If you have to specify to your friends “no homo” then newsflash: they’re not really your friend! I wish I would tell my friend, “I love you. No homo.” WTF? Are you serious? Anyway, I’m back on this topic because I saw this video about it:


I saw the video and thought: it’s about time other people noticed this trend. Anyway, I just wanted to share it.

Status: Smiling to myself.

Monday, October 5, 2009

DA 1.0 versus that Other Guy

The Browns finally almost won a game! Yay! They lost in overtime, so my only complaint is that they didn’t win. The game itself was far better than the previous three games. Derek Anderson looked better and closer to Derek Anderson 1.0 (the one who was actually decent) and less like Derek Anderson 2.0 (the one who led us all last season and the one who bombed in the second half of game three). Welcome back DA 1.0, please stick around for a few games.

In honor of the Browns not completely sucking, I am unleashing the finger:

The Finger

There are no winners or losers
Just people and places
Bets and doubts
Fans and

Status: In a good mood. Imagine how psyched I’ll be if we actually win a game.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ramblings of a Cleveland Browns Fan mixed with a WTF Eric Wedge

Cleveland is a crazy town. Live here long enough and you’ll learn that. We will sing your praises on Monday and ask for your head on Tuesday. It’s the way we work. Give us instant results or go back to the bench. I remember a lot of fans were calling for Brady Quinn to be the starting quarterback. “It was his time.” “This would be his year.” Funny how, some of those same fans wanted him to be benched after his first two games and he was benched during the third game. Even funnier is that Derek Anderson, the former starting quarterback, came in the game and screwed up a little worse than Brady. I mean come on people. Derek Anderson should have been hungry to get his position back. He should have left his heart and soul out on that field so he could walk off and give Brady a smug “How’d you like that?” look. Instead, the best he could muster was to simply show up and be in position. When DA walked off the field he should have looked at Brady and shook his head, like “yeah, I know, we both suck.” There was one point during the game when DA was in and the cameraman panned to Brady and Brady had a slight laugh that he tried to mask as a grin. I couldn’t tell if the laugh was from watching the mockery that was the Browns team as a whole, or if the laugh was because DA had just screwed up. Either way, it was well deserved. The Browns stunk up the field on offense and defense for a third straight game. The best part for me was when DA slipped and fell all on his own. It really summed up the kind of game it was.

Don’t get me wrong, I knew going in to the game that the Browns didn’t stand a chance of beating the Baltimore Ravens. That’s why I barely watched the game. I turned periodically to check the score and maybe watch a minute or two of action, but nothing major. I thought for the longest time that we would finish the game with 0 points, but fortunately we were able to squeeze out three. I was happy about that. As a Browns fan, I have to take the small victories as they come, and the way they played, three points was an undeserved miracle.

It’s been announced that DA will start the next game, because he is obviously the better quarterback (yes that statement is dripping with sarcasm and no that statement is not meant to imply that Brady is any better. I think they equally suck.). I remember two years ago when DA was decent, but he hasn’t been the same since. In truth, it was his offensive line that was good combined with the fact that the players actually caught the ball. But back to the quarterback controversy: some fans are calling it a season and saying that we might as well leave Brady in so he can get experience this season and hopefully do better next year. I know it’s sad that we’re only three games in to the season and a lot of Cleveland fans have already thrown in the towel, but I can explain. Last season, we sucked, but not nearly as bad as we have sucked in these first three games. Anyway, I’m going to be a disloyal fan, as I can be sometimes, and say why not throw Brett Ratliff (our third string quarterback) in and see what he can do. What’s the worst that could happen? We lose. Haha. I say if we don’t beat Cincinnati, then DA should be benched again, and Ratliff should start. If he loses then we can take the league by surprise and get Josh Cribbs to try being a quarterback again (he was a quarterback in college). Our expectations won’t be very high. Just score a freaking touchdown and you get to be the starter for the next game. Now that I think of it, why not rotate the quarterbacks until one of them scores a touchdown. Brady does the first half, DA does the second; next game: Ratliff does the first half, Brady does the second; next game: DA does the first half, Ratliff does the second, etc. If you score a touchdown you get to stay in the whole game. I think that’s fair. I’m not really worried about our quarterbacks developing a rhythm, that hasn’t worked for us yet. I say focus on scoring.

I’m not quite ready to forfeit the season yet, but if push comes to shove and we lose a couple more games in equally horrible fashions, then I say decide who you want to be the starter for next year and let him play out the rest of this season.

On a different note, I find it absolutely hilarious that Wedge, and his entire coaching staff, have been fired but are going to coach the last 6 games for the Indians. Hmm. Why not wait until after the last game and then fire them? If Wedge actually does show up for the games then he is a better man than me. If you publicly announce that I’ve been fired, you don’t have to worry about seeing my face again. I’ll flash you the peace sign and be out.

Status: Thinking I need to take a break from watching sports.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

For the Love of McDean

For some reason, I was thinking about my boys from Hollyoaks. I haven’t seen the show since Craig and John Paul left. Maybe I’m thinking about them because Craig came back in September of last year. I don’t know. Either way, long live McDean (that’s John Paul McQueen and Craig Dean for those of you who are not in the know)! And in honor of them, here is my favorite McDean scene of all time.

Just about every version of this video on YouTube didn’t allow embedding. Thank God for Dailymotion! I don’t know what took me so long to find Dailymotion but I sure am glad I did.

Status: Thinking that I’ll always love McDean.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Lessons Learned

I get bored sometimes and I post poems. Today is one of those times. Here’s another poem I wrote:

Lessons Learned

He finds things and reshapes them
Laughs when they don’t turn out right
He escapes with a smile
Just before everything collapses
It’s a talent, not a curse.

He’ll tell you where he’s been
And outline where he’s going
He likes to reminisce and then forget
Leaving the bad memories to gather rust
It’s a talent, not a curse.

He’s prone to stops and false starts
Sometimes quitting without trying
He says he gives everything his all
But admits he could give more
It’s a talent, not a curse.

He sees what he’s done wrong
But he won’t apologize for his mistakes
He learns as he fails
And self-corrects when he tries again
It’s a talent, not a curse.

Status: Wasting valuable time.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Look Here Kanye, Learn How to Act Right

I know this commentary is late. I wasn’t going to say anything about it, but I’ve been hearing about it all freaking day and Federer lost so I need something to bitch about before I go to bed and this seems like the most convenient topic.

I hate to disappoint Kanye West, but music award shows haven’t made sense in a long time, so why did he expect anything to be different? How do you win best video of the year, beating out all the guys and all the girls and not win best female video? Hmm. That’s like turning 8 before you turn 7, but it’s how award shows do business. Most years they like to share the awards, that way it’s always a real surprise when someone comes in one year and wins a lot. I love Taylor Swift. I’ve been a fan of hers since her first album. I know you’re probably expecting a “but” here, sorry to disappoint you, I don’t have one. I like her. I was happy that she won and pissed off when Kanye disrespected her and robbed her of her moment. Hopefully that will be his last temper tantrum for a while. I’m glad Beyonce gave Taylor the stage at the end so she could finish her speech.

I don’t watch award shows expecting the person I like to win or expecting all of the artists to be grouped in what I deem to be the correct category. Truthfully, I watch the award shows for the performances and for the shocking moments like Kanye and Lil Mama both getting on the stage when they did not belong there. Where was MTV security? Could I have walked on stage if I wanted to? Oh and Lady Gaga is trying way too hard to be different. When you try that hard it stops being “different” and starts being “special.” Yes, I said it.

Status: Bummed because Federer lost. I admit it hurt a little and has taken me a few hours to digest it. Not even the Williams Sisters winning the doubles could make up for Roger losing. :-(

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I Still Love You Rafael Nadal!

Noooooooo! Rafael Nadal lost in the semi-finals! No Nadal-Federer US Open Final in 2009. Maybe next year. I was so happy about his win yesterday and now I have to face him losing today. As they say on Project Runway: One day you're in, the next you're out. Bye bye Nadal.

Status: Wondering if I should root against Federer just so he'll win. If he loses in the semi-finals too, I think I'll scream. I can't handle losing both of my guys before the finals, let alone on the same day.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Pain of Losing aka USC Beats OSU and Clijsters Beats Serena

I had to take a moment to gather myself. First Serena lost in a most unladylike manner and then Ohio State succeeded in blowing the game in the final minutes. I guess I was rooting for the losers tonight. Maybe that should tell me something. I’m a little too wired to sleep so I guess I’ll do some writing for a while so I can come down from the pain of near misses. I kind of figured Serena would lose to Clijsters, but I never expected the ending. And as far as the Buckeyes go, I pretty much figured they would bust their asses the entire game and then screw up at the end: it’s the Ohio way. There is still a lot of college football season left, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’m not even sure how closely I’m going to watch the Browns this year because I don’t know if I can deal with the stress. I don’t enjoy the adrenaline rush like most people do because I hate losing. It’s far more painful to watch a game and have your team lose, than it is to just look for the score after the game is over. Okay, I’m done for the night. I just had to write about the pain of losing.

Status: Kind of bummed. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that Nadal won because I have my fingers crossed for a Nadal Federer Finals....

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Between Two Lovers

I’m doing well today. I used the earlier part of my day wisely and bought myself some extra time to relax this weekend. I have plans for tonight and tentative plans for tomorrow night so I know I’m going to need some down time to mentally prepare myself.

I saw Final Destination 3-D last week. It was good/bad. The special effects were good, but other than that, it was bad. If you like a movie where people die in gory grotesque ways and there is very little plot, then it’s the movie for you, but if you like horror films that are gory but still require you to think a little then this is not the movie for you. I was disappointed but not surprised. Overall I’d say B+ for special effects and D- for plot (I won’t give it an F for plot because the movie did acknowledge Death’s order). The movie was pointless and left me feeling very happy that I didn’t pay to see it. Free passes for movie previews rock!

I haven’t posted a poem in a while, so I decided to post a poem today:

Between Two Lovers

It’s the in-between that suits him,
Fits him like it’s been tailored
Custom made for him and him alone
That’s what makes it different
He’s laughed and joked and played along
Walking the tightrope between both sides
Somewhere in the middle is where he’ll stay
He’ll tell them to sort things out
But he won’t stand by either
He’ll wait there until someone cuts the rope,
Freeing him to swing away.

Status: Preparing to have a good time.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I Love You Wendy Williams

I’ve gotten lazy with the posting again, which should be obvious by my lack of posts. I am going to get better again. I’ve been preoccupied with a variety of things.

Just to be completely random: I saw am old friend on television last night. The Wendy Williams Show to be exact. I love Wendy’s show. At least I love it right now, but I’m fairly fickle so that love may be gone in a week or so. Her show is right up my alley. It has the gossip and the scandal and people’s personal situations. It’s just a fun show.

Status: Giving my fingers a break because I’ve been writing all day.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I'm off of Twitter and Chima is off of Big Brother...Do I Care About Either?

Have you ever realized that you were just not cut out for something? I gave twitter a try. I swear I did, but I quickly lost interest. I don’t care what other people are doing and I don’t care to post what I’m doing. Oddly enough, I actually had a social life while I was on twitter, but I didn’t put up any details of what I was doing. I missed a day here and a day there, and then, I signed in today and realized I had gone an entire week without posting and that’s just ridiculous, so I cancelled my account.

Now on to other news: I only watch Big Brother on Thursday and that’s if I decide to watch it at all that week. I don’t care about the activities of the other days because I usually read the short summaries online and go about my business. I’m tempted to watch it tonight and see if the show addresses Chima’s departure, but I really don’t care much. I don’t like any of the people left in the house. To be honest, I didn’t like any of this season’s cast, at all. This is the first season I’ve watched since the All Stars season and I don’t know why I’m watching. I wish there was a way for none of them to win. I’ll keep watching on Thursday though, because I enjoy seeing people voted off by their fake friends, plus this season has had some great speeches.

Status: Thinking I need to deal with some real news.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

My Tweeting Days May Be Ending Soon

I remember the days when I used to update my blog about once a day. Those days gave way to once every couple of days and then to once a week for the most part. I have real issues with routine. I guess I don’t like it all that much. I thought about this because of the twitter thing. I didn’t tweet for two days and then I had half as many followers when I returned. It wouldn’t be an issue if I started at like a hundred followers or more, but I only had twenty, so the dip was duly noted on my part and made me wonder if I’m cut out for twitter. I went another whole day without tweeting and lost a couple more followers. Now I’m down to single digits.

I’m thinking I should stop tweeting because I don’t really have anything to say. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I lead a boring life. I don’t do many interesting things. I’m not sad about it or anything. I mean I made it this way for a reason because right now I don’t want to be overly social. I have some of my own issues that I am trying to sort out and it’s easier to do that if I can focus a good portion of my energy on me without needing to divide it between me and someone else. For now, I’m content living vicariously through the lives of my friends, but still open to the possibility that Mr. Right may suddenly appear one day because I understand that love does not always wait until you think you’re ready.

Status: Wondering if I need to get a life or stop tweeting.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Two Wrongs Makes You Both Wrong

I am so sick of the Gates story. How the hell did it become a major story in the first place? I haven’t read any of the articles, yet I know the story. Both men need to apologize to each other. Yes, I said it! I’m sure Gates wasn’t exactly polite considering he was sick and just returning from a long trip, (both of which can make people highly irritable) and then he’s barely home before he is accused of breaking in to his own house, that said though, once the police had his identification and saw that he did in fact live there, they should have apologized for the misunderstanding and left him at his house, free to curse them out until his heart was content. In my opinion, there was no need to arrest him unless he moved to attack one of the officers. Since the police and Gates failed to control their emotions, both should apologize. I think Obama should have said, “I believe both parties involved acted stupidly.” People still wouldn’t have liked the president using the word “stupidly” but I think it would have been a fair statement. Gates should have tried to be calm and the officers should have tried to be understanding. This incident was unnecessary. I wouldn’t call it an instance of racial profiling though.

I’ve been twittering for almost a week now and I am already bored with it, but I will try to continue a little longer. I think I owe it longer than a week. Anyway, I tweeted a poem a couple of days ago and I thought I would put it up here so I can keep track of it.


You’re a gun loaded with blanks,
Confusing empty prayers with giving thanks
Moving in and out of plastic cars,
Finding happiness in nightcaps at bars
You’re constantly in the process of doing something,
Desperate to avoid the thoughts you have when you do nothing
You believe in letting things fall where they may,
So you only give enough effort to get you halfway.

Status: Wondering how the new Harry Potter movie is.

Monday, July 20, 2009

What Are Tweets?

Today was one of those crazy days, where I was inspired to do random things. I joined Twitter and I worked on a new story that is nothing like anything I’ve written. It’s a bit sci-fi, so I don’t know how long I’m going to be inspired to write it, which means it will probably join the pile (or in this case, random disks collection) of stories I’ve started and then abandoned. Sometimes I revisit the stories and work on them, sometimes I don’t. That happened most recently with Voices in a Room. The story had been half done for years, and one day I read it and I was possessed by the need to finish it. Stories usually come pouring out of me when I get that feeling.

Now back to the Twitter thing. I’m thinking I need to come up with some idea to keep myself posting updates because I’m a pro at beginning things and not finishing them. I briefly thought about tweeting a novella or short story, but then I saw a Yahoo article about a guy who was tweeting his novel and that killed that idea. I don’t want to copy what someone else has done. I was thinking about doing something with poetry or maybe creating story snippets that are only a couple of tweets long or better yet, short stories that are ten tweets or less. The problem is that I get bored so easily. I’m going to try to think of something and actually update Twitter on a regular basis. People will probably be rather surprised that my life is just as boring as I say it is, of course that’s assuming people will read my tweets. Either way, I think it should be fun for a few days.

Status: Surrendering to peer pressure.

Friday, July 17, 2009

My Opinions about the Season Finale of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant

Okay, so I was watching the MTV show 16 and Pregnant last night, yes I know, I’m 26, what the hell am I doing watching that show…now that we have that out of the way, there was something about last night’s episode that really bothered me.

Some of you who saw it might think that it was the fact the two teenagers gave their baby away, but it wasn’t that. My problem was this rule or law (I’m assuming it’s a rule, but I don’t know for sure) that I learned. The girl’s mother did not want her to put the baby up for adoption. I spent the entire episode wondering how the hell an underage person can give a baby up for adoption without the approval of a parent of legal guardian. I was always taught that you have to be 18 to enter in to a legally binding contract, unless you’re an emancipated minor. I watched the show closely, wondering if maybe the mother would change her mind or if the girl would change her mind and decide to keep the baby.

So, we get to the end of the show and the girl has the baby at the hospital. Her mother leaves because she has no intentions of signing those adoption papers. The girl tells the audience that because her mother wasn’t there to sign the papers, she couldn’t give the baby away on hospital grounds, which was code for, I have to walk outside and off of hospital property and then I can do whatever the hell I want to do, and that’s exactly what she did. The girl and her boyfriend and his mother and the adoptive parents walked off hospital grounds and exchanged the baby. What the hell? Are you kidding me? I’m assuming the purpose of the rule is to cover the hospital’s ass but come on!

Another thing that bothered me was that the girl’s mother had no say. I understand that the girl’s mother was not a very good mother, but talk about sending a big FU to mom. My goodness! I can’t imagine how her mother felt when her daughter came home without her grandbaby and she realized that her daughter had followed through with the adoption. If I was her mother, this is what I would read between the lines, “Hey Mom, life is so crappy with you that I wouldn’t wish that on my baby. I want my baby to have a good life and you sure as hell can’t provide that. We move too much. We’re too poor. I could go on, but you already know how horrible my life has been. I made the adult decision to have sex and I made the adult decision to give my baby to a loving couple so screw you! If you want to watch your granddaughter grow up, you better be nice to me, and maybe I’ll show you the pictures.” Of course her daughter didn’t come across as bratty, so I think she would probably say that a little nicer than I wrote it, but the underlying message would be the same and that would be that the baby is better off with her adoptive parents. The weird thing for me was that the girl didn’t seem to understand why her mother was so upset with her.

I’m not knocking adoption. The girl gave the couple a precious gift. I just think that unless a grandparent can be proven to be an unfit parent, if the grandparent wants the child, then the grandparent should be allowed to raise the child, especially if it’s a teenage parent involved. That said though, I’m not sure if the girl’s mother wanted the grandchild bad enough to take over guardianship, which is why I ultimately understand the girl’s decision. The girl and her boyfriend were not ready to be parents (and I’ll spare them the whole that’s what birth control is for lecture) so they found their child a nice home with people who came across as great people. It was a very responsible thing to do and a particularly heartbreaking thing to watch.

Status: Having strange thoughts.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Should I Return to Hollyoaks?

One of my friends has recently discovered Hollyoaks, namely John Paul, Craig and Kieron. It is taking everything in me not to watch the old clips of John Paul and Craig or John Paul and Kieron. If you’ve been following this blog long enough, then you’ll remember a time last year when I was completely obsessed with Hollyoaks. I couldn’t help myself. It was so good and I was hooked immediately. I’m trying very hard not to go down that path again. Why was that show so freaking good? It’s unfair to be that good. I stopped watching after the sunset ending because I was only watching for John Paul anyway.

I actually did watch my favorite scene this morning. I had to literally get up and walk away from the computer to keep from watching other scenes. I’m going to try to be strong enough not to become addicted again.

Other than that, I’ve had a great weekend. It was peaceful and joyous. I haven’t had that combination in a while. Good things happened this weekend. Nothing major, but big enough to make it a good weekend.

Status: Thinking about all the work I have to do today. I guess the party is over :-(.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

16-14 in the Wimbledon Finals? and Other Random Thoughts about Roger Federer versus Andy Roddick

I’m posting twice in one day! What brought this on? One word: Wimbledon! I had to take a little time to recover after watching an amazing, seemingly never ending Wimbledon Men’s Final. My goodness! What a match! I thought last year’s final with Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal was great, and I, like many others, did not think this year’s final could live up to that standard. We were all wrong! This year’s final was a different type of match but it was just as incredible and just as nail biting.

I’m not a fan of long drawn out matches or close games. They drive me crazy. The commentators were all laughing about how the match could go on forever and I was yelling at the television saying, “One of you win it already!”

I came in to the match a little conflicted. I have been an Andy Roddick fan ever since he first emerged on the tennis scene (back when he was dating Mandy Moore). I was thrilled that he made it to the finals but I couldn’t completely root for him. I felt almost un-American not giving my full support to Roddick.

Unfortunately, I love Roger Federer! I wanted Federer to get the record and have his 15th Grand Slam title. It broke my heart last year when Federer lost his Wimbledon title to Nadal. I wanted him to reclaim his title this year, especially since it meant so much. A Wimbledon victory this year, would give Federer back his number one position in the world and solidify his place as the best male tennis player in the open era. It may have taken forever and a bit of luck, but Federer pulled it out!

The match went as follows: Set 1-Roddick 7-5, Set 2-Federer 7-6 (8/6), Set 3-Federer 7-6 (7/5), Set 4-Roddick 6-3, Set 5-FEDERER 16-14. Yes you read that right, 16 to 14! It was a great match that was well fought by both opponents. I wish it could have been a draw, but tennis isn’t one of those sports. In tennis, someone has to win and someone has to lose.

Great job ANDY RODDICK and congratulations ROGER FEDERER! I love you both, even if that love isn’t equal.

On a side note, Andy Roddick is quite cute with his hat on and I like his new body, it’s very nice.

Funniest moment: During Federer’s victory speech, he complimented Roddick on his play and told Roddick that he knows how it feels because he lost a close one last year. Roddick responded by saying something like, “Yeah, but you’d already won five.” Haha. I thought it was funny. The crowd at Wimbledon laughed, but their laughter had that nervous tinge in it that made it sound a bit uncomfortable, whereas my laughter was from the sheer hilarity of Roddick blurting that out. You could tell it was one of those pure thoughts, the kind that flows from your lips before you have time to think about it.

Status: Hoping Andy wins the next one. He deserves it.

How Do You Break Up With a Mormon?

I have a date with two Mormons tonight. Okay, not a real date, more like an appointment kind of date. I’ve been meeting with these Mormon missionaries for a while now, partly out of boredom, but mostly out of fascination. They seem so happy and I wanted to investigate that happiness. I’d love to have the kind of joy they seem to have. During our talks, I have discovered that they have had their own personal battles and they turn to God for everything. I’ve never been a “have faith, sit and wait for the answer” kind of person. I believe in God or at least the existence of some being greater than me but I’m not in to the whole praying to someone to make my life better part. I’m more of a “do your best and hopefully something good will happen” type of person. I confess that I don’t always give my best, but that’s because of my crippling fear of failure. I pray from time to time, but mostly for the health or safety of other people.

Anyway, I’m going on this tangent because I think it’s time for me to break it off. Unfortunately, I don’t know how. How do you break up with a Mormon? How can I look them in their eyes and tell them that it’s been fun getting to know them and they seem like great people but their faith isn’t for me, at least not now? I mean I have enough trouble with things from the Old and New Testament, I really can’t try to wrap my mind around Jesus coming to America after his death. Is it possible? Sure, anything is possible. But I’m not ready to believe that yet. I want Jesus to stay in the Middle East because that’s what I’ve always been taught.

Status: Hoping I can find the strength to send away two of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

When The Cat's Away....

I have had an interesting two weeks. I spent one great week in Florida then returned early Tuesday morning and discovered that my house had been robbed (yes I know technically it was burglarized and not robbed)! Worse than that, thieves used one of our vehicles as the get-away mobile. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with for one day, later in the morning, I found out that my uncle had died and my aunt was in the hospital. I told myself bad things usually happen in threes, so the bad things should be over for a while. I don’t actually believe that is true, but I need as much optimism as I can muster. Fortunately, I had a ton of things to do this week that were not related to the robbery. My tasks distracted me during the day and kept me from dwelling on the bad things that happened to me. I am very happy that this week is ending because it was one of the worst weeks I have had during my 26 years of life.

On a brighter note, I hope to get a story update out soon.

Status: Done wishing ill to the bastards who robbed me and moving forward with my life.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


I’m trying really hard not to comment on The Finals. I confess that I have been keeping an eye on them. I couldn’t stay away :-(. I haven’t watched an entire game though, just parts of games.

I’ve been fairly busy this week preparing for my real vacation, which will occur next week. Florida here I come! I still have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do there. I know Disney is off the list though. Whatever I do, I’m sure I’ll have fun and get some more rest and relaxation. I was hoping to post an update to the group before I left, but I only have one day to do it so the prospects aren’t looking too bright.

As for me, I’ve been feeling an odd mix of excitement for the future and sadness for the present. I have a really good feeling about the rest of this year, but my immediate life is not even close to what I want it to be. I’m not sure what you would call my current mental state. I’m not happy or sad. I’m just kind of here, biding my time until I’m happy again.

It seems I write a lot of poems inspired by relationships. I’m not sure where they come from. Anyway, here is another poem:

Good Friends

We’ll be good friends
Someday in the future
After the cracks are sealed
And the broken parts are swept up and thrown out
It will be like starting over
Without the drama of ending
Or the effort of making repairs
We can continue from where we are
Constantly moving forward and moving on
With short stops to reassess and redefine
But never to turn around
We won’t regret or miss what we once were
Instead, we will embrace what we have become
And appreciate the circumstances
That helped us heal.

Status: Procrastinating so I can do all of my packing at the last minute.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

A Sunny Day Of Rest

I still have things to say about the NBA, but not today. I’m in the poem sharing zone again, so here is another one:


I have chased you for as long as I can remember
Trying to reel you in as if you were a prize and not a person
As a child I was taught that you would be waiting for me
I believed in real life fairy tales and love at first sight
I thought seeing you and knowing it was you
Would be the beginning and the end of my search
But I thought wrong.
I have identified you and claimed you
I freely admit what I feel for you
I don’t hide my love when you’re around
Instead I proudly wear it on my chest like a medal of honor
But you return my feelings as if they are undeliverable
You say that you want no parts of the package I’m selling
You tell me fairy tales are for children and love is just a myth
So I follow you and try to change your mind
But my legs are getting tired of running behind you
And I am slowly dropping off of your pace.
I’ll never be out of your reach
Because I don’t know how to stop chasing you
But I’m going to take a couple of steps back
And I’ll be ready in the future,
When you decide to take me out of lay-a-way.

Status: I have a slight headache, but I’ll survive.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Media, 1. David Stern, tbd. (AKA The NBA Commissioner Caters to the Media)

So the media had a field day with LeBron’s unsportsmanlike behavior, especially the part where he had the nerve to not speak with them, I mean that was just beyond redemption. The NBA originally said that it wasn’t going to do anything to LeBron, this was the first time he had ever snubbed the media, so the NBA was letting it slide, but the media couldn’t let it go. The media made a big story out of what should have been a small side note and as a result, the NBA reconsidered its original decision and changed its mind. LeBron James was fined a whopping…wait for it…wait for it….$25,000! Wow, I mean that fine is really going to teach LeBron a lesson. I don’t think LeBron would ever do something like that again, not because he was fined what amounts to about twenty dollars to him, but because of the huge media storm that ensued. I thought the media would be obsessed with the fact that Orlando won, but they weren’t, instead, the media still found a way to talk about Kobe and LeBron instead of Kobe and Dwight. Now that LeBron has been fined and issued an apology, which is funny considering who delivered the apology for him, hopefully we can move on. The Finals have started and I’d like to go through them, without hearing about LeBron every day.

Since I’m on the subject of the NBA, I think the league’s one year removed from high school rule is a bunch of garbage and everyone knows it is. I’d actually be fine with the rule if it applied to all players, but the rule does not apply to international players. Either the rule should apply to everyone, or the rule shouldn’t exist. I actually have more to say about this though. Maybe I’ll write it later, because I really should rest now. I had a tooth pulled today :-(.

Status: About to relax.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I Can't Believe I'm Blogging Again...This Week!

I’m on a blogging roll this week! Here’s a random poem:

While In Bed

He whispers I love you,
I listen to the softness
If I thought he meant it,
I’d listen to the words.

He’s sweet and loving,
Just before and during
He won’t stay this way for long
Just like before, he’ll leave quickly.

He wants to be with me,
On his terms, not mine
So I make it easy for him
By sticking to his terms.

He’s slowly pulling away,
I feel it first then open my eyes
In a few minutes, he’ll be gone
I always feel it first.

He would never stay here,
Not with me, not like this
So I let him go as he pleases,
Always not with me
Until the next time
We’re like this.

Status: Still breathing :-).

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

LeBron James Says He Is A Winner....After His Team Loses to Orlando

Okay, so LeBron spoke the other day and said, “I’m a winner…If somebody beat you up, you’re not going to congratulate them on beating you up.” Um, okay. That still doesn’t explain why he walked off the court and refused to meet with the media after the Cavs were sent packing. I wish he would have just told the truth, which probably would have sounded something like this, “Look, I was disappointed in the loss. I expected so much more from my team and from myself. It hurt like hell to lose and they always say, if you don’t have anything nice to say then you shouldn’t say anything at all. I was in the heat of the moment and I knew my comments would not have been appropriate, so I opted to keep my mouth shut. It was hard enough to swallow the loss without answering a bunch of questions about it.” I think something along those lines would have been more appropriate than the short speech he gave. At least he said he sent Dwight an email to congratulate him.

I might have had a problem with LeBron’s reaction if it wasn’t for one fact: Orlando talked a lot of shit all the way through the series. The team and coach jumped on the bandwagon with their fans and complained that LeBron was getting too many calls and Orlando was being disrespected by the media with the LeBron-Kobe hype. I guess I should be the one to break it to them about how things work. The media wants the matchup between the number 1 and number 2 teams in the country. They would want it whether it was Kobe and LeBron or as it was last year, Kobe vs Allen, Pierce and Garnett. Last year, from the tipoff of the playoffs, all you heard about was LA and Boston and their historic rivalry and yada, yada, yada. You should ignore that crap or use it as motivation to win. Orlando won, end of story, bye bye Kobe-LeBron Final. The world has not come to an end and the media is not dying, they’re simply picking up a new storyline.

And while we’re on the topic, Orlando was leading the series, yet Orlando fans were saying that the refs were trying to help LeBron win. I’d just like to say that if the refs were on LeBron’s side, then the Cavs would have won all of the close games, because refs can and sometimes do, determine the outcome of games. Look at the Denver-Dallas game and Carmelo’s now infamous three after he was fouled. If the refs wanted the Cavs to win, then they would have called some cheap tic-tac fouls at the end of the game, when it mattered most, and all the calls would have gone to the Cavs. I try not to be a conspiracy theorist when it comes to the refs. Let’s face it, the refs make bad calls on both ends of the floor and sometimes the refs swallow their whistles and sometimes they get whistle happy. Sometimes a tap on the arm that was ignored two minutes ago in a game is suddenly a foul when it is done again. I’ve given up on trying to figure out what the refs are thinking and how they decide to officiate games.

Now back to LeBron: It is better to be thought a fool then open your mouth and remove all doubt. He should have simply stated that he didn’t have anything to say after the game. I actually find it amusing that LeBron’s silence after the loss received more focus than the fact that Orlando won the game. I think that’s kind of funny.

All that said though, I love LeBron because he doesn’t accept defeat the way I do and the way a lot of other Cleveland fans do. He wants more and he honestly believes he will get more. I’ve watched his ego grow bigger and bigger and at first it annoyed me but now I’m starting to think that it might be just what this city needs. We need a star who thinks that he is going to be one of the greatest; a star who doesn’t even think the sky is the limit. He is no more arrogant than Kobe and both have the skills to back it up, so I’m biting my tongue on his big head for a while but I reserve the right to comment later.

I’d also like to point out that LeBron wasn’t the most hated basketball player in America until his team was in the number one spot. Hmm, kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Status: Wondering why I’m still talking about the Cavs.

Monday, June 1, 2009

I'm Back

So I spent the end of last week in South Bend, New Buffalo and Chicago partying with friends to celebrate my birthday. As of May 28, I am 26 years old. Wow! I’ve been waiting a whole year to get to this age. I spent my entire year of being 25, thinking and saying that I was 26 until I realized my error and corrected it. I must have looked like an idiot on countless occasions, telling people I was 26 and then saying, “Oh no, I mean, I’m 25.” I have a really good outlook on this next year of my life. 26 must be lining up to be a great year since I spent so much time trying to pretend it was already here. I can be a little superstitious when it comes to things and sometimes I read too much in to things. I hope I’m not reading too much in to this.

For those who live under a rock, the Cavs lost to the Orlando Magic, as I said they would. I’m not disappointed in LeBron for walking off the court or not speaking to the media. I get it and everyone who watched him play in the playoffs this year should get it. He left his heart out on that floor and now he has to pick it up and do it all over again next year.

I’ve been having a very good, unproductive day. Tomorrow I will be back to the standard humdrum. I finally saw Miracle at St. Anna, last night. It was long as hell and a bit slow in parts but it wasn’t that bad. The actual story had many layers, which I like to see in a movie.

I feel really happy today for no good reason.

Here’s a random poem:

Pocket Full of Daisies

He was never one to stop and smile
Never one to appreciate the beauty in the here and now
Until he met her
She freed him from the cloud that hung above him
Then she made the sun come out
He finally stopped to look around
And noticed the little moments
He held tight to the memories they made
And clung to them once she was gone.

Status: Enjoying my day.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Say it Aint So, Joe! Orlando Magic, 3, Cleveland Cavaliers, 1. A Fan’s Rant.

The Cavs are down 3-1 in the Eastern Conference Finals! I know some people would point out that 8 teams have come back from a 3-1 deficit and won the series, and to those people, I say: Yes, miracles do happen…just not in Cleveland. I’ve been a Cavs fan all of my life. I was practically in love with Bob Sura when I was younger. I’m one of those crazy Cleveland people who support all of my Cleveland teams, losers that they are. I won’t pretend that I watch every game. I may see the occasional game during the season (except for when Bob Sura was playing, back then, I rarely missed a game), but I’m always there for the playoffs.

Now back to the situation at hand. What I don’t get is why the Cleveland sports teams, can’t just lose games? Why do they always have to lose big games in heartbreaking ways? Why are the fans always left with ifs, and could of, should of, would ofs? What happens if the Cavs don’t turn over the ball so many times in overtime? LeBron’s shot could have, should have gone in, just like Delonte’s three at the end of game one and Mo’s desperation three at the end of game one. Why is it always the opposing team that gets the roll, the bounce, the key play?

As a Cleveland fan, I wondered what ailment would besiege us this time, because it’s always something. Now we find ourselves staring down the barrel of elimination. Am I surprised? Not really, this is a Cleveland team after all. Failing this season would be the typical Cleveland thing to do. The surprise would have been if they actually made it to the Finals and won.

I’m not trying to take anything away from my guys. It was a great season! The best in Cleveland Cavalier history! So good in fact, that the fans, eternal optimists that we are, actually believed for a moment, that maybe, just maybe the curse had been lifted and Cleveland’s drought would be over. I’m not going to say the standard Cleveland refrain of “there’s always next year” because I’m sick of that phrase. When will it be “this” year? When will we be able to say, “we’ll win again next year and repeat!” Of course we’re Cleveland, so our chances of actually winning the first time are slim to none, which means the probability of winning two years in a row is pretty close to non-existent, but it would be nice to have a championship win under our belts.

I said it at the beginning of this series and I’ll say it again: Cleveland teams do not fare well in close games. Yes LeBron saved us in one game, but what is one game if you lose the series?

Orlando rained threes on Cleveland’s hopes and dreams and all I could do was watch. I knew at the end of the fourth quarter that the game was over and the Cavs would be returning home down 3-1. When overtime started and a fatigued LeBron had some careless turnovers, it only confirmed what I knew to be true. Cleveland lost. It’s what we do best.

I don’t mean to sound like a whiny fan, but if all of your city’s major sports teams had a history of being seconds or half an inning or one play away from winning big games, you would understand. It’s something that you begin to expect, but never really want to see.

I’m a witness alright. I witnessed another typical Cleveland let down. I’m not bitter though. I’ll still be cheering on my Cavs next year. It’s what we do here. We lose and move on.

I think all of Cleveland’s fans and players should hold hands around Quicken Loans Arena and bring in a shaman to lift the curse, and then after we finish there, we should march over to Progressive Field and do the same thing and then head down to Browns Stadium and do it there too. I figure if we try to lift the curse off of all three, maybe we can luck out and actually lift it off of one of them, and hey, if we’re really lucky, our prayers will work for all three.

If all else fails, we should change the name from the Cleveland Cavaliers to the Toledo Cavaliers or any other Ohio city that isn’t Cleveland, because the Cavs have changed venues before, so the curse is obviously with the name, not the building, right?

I know, I know, there is no such thing as a curse. The Orlando Magic beat us, we should deal with it. To people who say that, I say, go look at the game footage and put your team in the place of the Cavs. How would you feel if your team lost the way the Cavs lost?

I understand that I should have hope and that I should believe that the Cavs will win three games in a row and make it to the finals. I know they are physically capable of winning the next three games, but as a Cleveland fan, I know better than to hope or believe in such madness. It is possible that they will win but I’m not willing to hold my breath on it.

The Cavs definitely need to make some personnel changes. I’ll address those later though.

The only good thing that will come out of the Cavs season ending is that my posts will finally stop being about sports for a while.

Status: Looking forward to next season and still proud to say Go Cavs! It’s not your fault you couldn’t escape Cleveland’s sports history this year. Maybe next year, right? Lol.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Cleveland Fans Got What They Wanted…But Are They Happy?

I said it before and I will say it again: Cleveland sports teams have a long history of not being able to win big games if they are close. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s something in the water or the psyche of the players or the city, but it’s true. Some Cleveland fans have been begging for a more competitive series. I have been content with the blowouts. Blowouts may be easy and not as entertaining to watch, but blowouts are safe. As I watched Orlando cut in to the Cavs lead, I got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. And then it happened: the Cavs lost their first game of the playoffs, but it wasn’t a regular loss. As Mo Williams’ shot touched the rim and came off, I watched the Cavs lose home court advantage. Now the Cavs will have to win in Orlando. It’s not optional.

As for all the people, my father included, saying that it was too much of one man and LeBron James can’t do it by himself. I say, “LeBron James played his ass off last night. It’s not his fault his teammates forgot that basketball games have two halves.” I don’t know why his teammates were having trouble scoring, but they were. If not for LeBron, the Cavs would have been blown out last night. I agree that one man can’t win a game by himself, he needs his team, and LeBron’s team went in the locker room at halftime and forgot to come back out. Yes Delonte West and Mo Williams hit some big shots down the stretch, but it was too little, too late. By the time Delonte and Mo woke up, Orlando already felt that they could win the game. I’m not going to blame Delonte missing a three pointer in the final seconds, or Mo missing a miracle last shot at the buzzer because it shouldn’t have come down to that. I’m going to blame the entire Cavs team, with the exception of LeBron, because I didn’t recognize the team that played the third and fourth quarters. The Cavs let Orlando come back on them and they let Orlando steal a game.

Everyone knew going in that this should be a competitive series that’s part of the reason why I was secretly hoping for the Boston Celtics. I wanted Boston to lose to Chicago, but when they didn’t, I wanted them to make it to the conference finals so we could beat them. The Cavs would have easily swept the floor with the Celtics. We almost beat them with Garnett, there was no way they would win four games against us without Garnett. They would have been lucky to win one or two. That said though, what’s done is done. We are playing the Orlando Magic, which means we have to show up to play every minute of every game.

My question is: How did a badly cramping LeBron manage to outplay all of his teammates in the fourth quarter? Hmm…

Status: Not really happy that my prediction was right. I would have preferred to be wrong on this one. Go Cavs!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Give Me My Chalupa

I’m not sure what’s going on with me. I literally worked my ass off all week. I was helping my father get a house ready for a tenant to move in. We did a bunch of repairs and cosmetic things. My week was extremely hectic. I spent the days doing manual labor, the afternoons/early evenings tutoring and then I edited papers for some of my family members and watched quite a few playoff basketball games. Somehow I still managed to go out and celebrate Cinco de Mayo even though I don’t have a Mexican bone in my body, and I went out to eat a couple of times. I’m actually impressed that I found time for some fun things this week.

As a Cleveland fan, I’m happy that the team is winning. I thought it was funny that the announcers made fun of the Cavs’ fans because of their reaction to Tuesday’s victory in which the Cavs scored 99 points and fell one point shy of clinching chalupas for all the fans in attendance. When the Cavs are blowing out the other team, what else do you have to look forward to except for the chalupas? It was ironic though that the Cavs could have scored again, but opted not to because they wanted to show some class, yet the fans were upset about their chalupas. I guess I should point out that it was Cinco de Mayo. You know it wasn’t much of a game though when all the fans have to talk about is not getting free chalupas. I’ve actually heard some Cleveland fans complaining that none of the games so far have been competitive. Are you kidding me? As a Cleveland fan, you should be ecstatic that the Cavs are blowing out the opposition. Have you forgotten how Cleveland sports’ teams historically fare in close games? Need I remind you of “the shot,” “the drive” or the countless other incidents that have robbed us of important wins? Do you want to talk about the homer that lost the World Series for us in 1995 or how we had a one run lead going in to the bottom of the ninth of the seventh game of the World Series in 1997 and managed to let the other team tie and then go on to defeat us in extra innings? I mean we can go down the list if you’d like, but I hope you have lots of time. The Cavs will be tested in the playoffs. That is a fact, but until then, sit down, shut up and enjoy the ride because we won’t coast forever.

Here’s a random poem I wrote. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with sports.

The Aftermath

Tears fall
And words stay still
Everything about the moment is wrong
There’s movement and nothing
There are frozen thoughts and frantic eyes
And a failure to break the silence
That’s the aftermath of the wrong phrase
Said out loud.

Status: Finally done with the hard work and looking forward to relaxing a little and posting an update to my group.

Friday, May 1, 2009

A Little Basketball Obsessed

This has been quite a long week. I’ve been doing a lot of manual labor in addition to assisting with academic work that is not mine. To make matters worse, I have found myself captivated by the NBA playoffs as if I’ve never seen them before. The Chicago-Boston series is completely amazing and though I want Boston to lose because they took my Cavs out last year, I don’t think I’d be disappointed if either team won because both have put in the work. Wait I take that back, I will be disappointed with Chicago if they lose because the series was theirs for the taking. They had ample chances to win both the second and the fifth game and they squandered them and let Boston close the gap in the fourth quarter and march on to victory. I can’t take another overtime though so they better get it decided in regulation.

I’m ready for the Cavs to go back to action, so hopefully the Atlanta-Miami series wraps up tonight. I wonder if Mo Williams could get away with the things Rondo has gotten away with…hmm, why do I feel like the answer to that is a resounding no? I don’t like to join in on the conspiracy theories, but I’m just saying, if any other player on any other team with the exception of maybe LeBron and possibly Kobe, did the things that Rondo has done, they would have been suspended. Hell, even Dwight Howard got suspended! I guess Rondo has to actually throw a punch before anything happens to him. I was going to say he has to actually hurt people, but I think causing guys to get stitches qualifies as hurting them. I don’t think he’s a malicious thug like some Chicago fans are painting him, but I will admit that he has been doing some very questionable things. I know it’s the playoffs and you foul harder and all that crap, but there’s no excuse for some of the things Rondo has done. Some Boston fans have said that Hinrich started the most recent altercation with Rondo because he was boxing him out unnecessarily, um, okay, so the next time somebody boxes Mo Williams out unnecessarily I guess he should pull them by their arm and then throw them out of bounds and in to the scorer’s table. People may say that Hinrich was wrong for squaring off with Rondo but I don’t blame him. It was the second time he got jacked by Rondo and if the refs aren’t going to defend him, then who should do it? Hinrich manned up and made it clear to Rondo that he was not the one to mess with.

The Second Hinrich Incident:

All that said however, the loss in game five in which Rondo did his best to take out Brad Miller cannot be blamed on the refs not calling the flagrant foul, or on Brad Miller probably being dazed and confused, the blame for that loss belongs to the Bulls and their coach. The Bulls had a decent lead in the fourth quarter and they let Boston come back and win the game. That is inexcusable and doesn’t garner much sympathy from me.

The Brad Miller Incident:

Status: Eagerly waiting to see the final game between the Bulls and the Celtics.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Cavs Fever

It has been a week since my last post and nothing major has happened. I’ve been doing other people’s work again. It’s a bad habit that I really need to work on because it’s not a good thing. I spent all day Sunday doing someone else’s work and I didn’t even complain. I just sucked it up and did it. I need to start complaining. I need to make a big deal about this type of thing because if I don’t then it will always be this way.

Status: Trying not to come down with Cavs fever.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I finally got around to watching Stop-Loss. I have wanted to see it since I saw the original trailer but there were always movies I wanted to see more, so I kept putting Stop-Loss on the backburner.

Stop-Loss has to be one of the most underrated movies I have seen. I was surprised by how good it was. I’m not saying that the acting was perfect or the depictions of the situations were 100% accurate or that the script was without a flaw, but I am saying that it was beautiful in that it told the stories of so many different types of soldiers without casting judgment on any of them or taking sides. It didn’t try to paint a rosy picture of every soldier loving the army, but it also didn’t flat out bash the army or the war. It simply told a story about the different ways that people’s lives were changed by the war.

Maybe I read more in to it than I should have because the image of Ryan from the Real World crying after he received the news of his stop-loss papers is still fresh in my mind. I felt so bad for him. He was trying to move forward with his life and he got pulled back.

Status: Wishing there was a way to adequately thank every member of the military for their service.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Where's the Hype?

I am both excited and scared that the Cavs are the number one team in the NBA. They’ve been one of the most disrespected teams in the NBA this season, and until recently I thought that would carry through to the playoffs, but the commentators seem to be coming around. Now I just have to hope that the Cavs don’t choke. That would be an embarrassment that I could not handle at this point because that would validate all the naysayers. I’m not saying I think the Cavs are the best team in the NBA because I think that title belongs to another team, but I do think the Cavs are far better than most analysts give them credit for being.

Now off of sports. I have another poem to share:

The Pain of Falling

Sometimes I chase down the pain with ragged memories
The kind that have you there for me, then not
Like the time I tripped over your foot
And you almost caught me
But the ground was there instead
Funny how things are
You, the constant source of my pain
And me, the idiot constantly tripping over your foot
You would think I’d learn by now
But I keep waiting
And hoping tomorrow,
Unlike today,
Will be the day you catch me.

Status: Crossing my fingers. Go Cavs!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Beautiful Sunshine

The sun decided to come out and warm my world today. It seemed to shine it’s brightness in to every part of my life. I saw it, I felt it, I lived it. I was the walking embodiment of sunshine today. Correction, I am the walking embodiment of sunshine today. A couple of things that normally would have worked my last nerve didn’t even faze me. I had people try to annoy the hell out of me, but fail miserably because I could not be brought down today. I worked harder today than I do on most days, but even that didn’t bother me.

Tomorrow is Good Friday and I know that should mean something to me since I call myself a Christian, but to be honest, it doesn’t. Tomorrow is just another off day in my book. I wonder if that makes me less of a Christian?

Status: Singing happy songs in my head.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Josh Hartnett Can't Take Away the Snow

How do you write a story about Josh Hartnett and not include a photograph? That has to be sacrilegious or something because a man that fine should always have his picture included in any article about him. Apparently he was just released from the hospital. I’m a fan, but not a hardcore fan, so I didn’t even know he was in the hospital. I’m happy he’s better though and since there wasn’t a picture with the article I read, I’ve decided to post two pictures here, because Josh Hartnett is a cutie!

On a depressing note: It’s snowing here! Spring has started and we had some really nice weather, but this is Cleveland, where the weather does its own thing. I knew we would have snow again, so I’m not surprised. I’m just disappointed. I guess a part of me was hoping that it was possible for us to make it from the middle of March all the way to next fall without snow. I can be a real idiot sometimes. That was obviously not a realistic hope, yet I still had it.

It’s cold and snowy outside and I feel miserable. I hate snow. Sometimes I wonder why I still live in Cleveland. Living in Cleveland and complaining about snow is like moving to Florida and then complaining about hurricanes. I mean you know what you’re getting.

Status: Wishing my grandparents had chosen a warmer climate when they made their exodus from the south. Why couldn't my parents have met in like Arizona or somewhere?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

In Search of Justice

When has justice been served? I think justice is pretty subjective. Some people are fairly cruel in what they consider justice, while others are too soft. I don’t know what truly constitutes justice, but it is clear to me when an injustice has occurred. Let’s say that a person commits a horrible crime but the police can’t prove a crime was committed. Is it fair to harass that person’s friends and family? They didn’t do anything, so why should they be dragged in to the fight?

I’m thinking about this because I saw Tyra today. I had seen the story before on one of the investigative shows. I think it was either Dateline or 48 Hours. Anyway, a woman believed that a man killed her daughter, so she made it her business to make his life a living hell. She constantly put up fliers near his house and his parent’s house and the houses of his other relatives and friends and she even went to his job and handed out fliers. The fliers were looking for her daughter and named the man as a person of interest. Police searched the man’s house I think three times or something like that and found blood but didn’t have enough to prosecute the man. A year ago, the man killed himself and his family blames the woman’s mother for driving the man to it.

Do I know what happened? Obviously I don’t. Do I think he did it? Well, the mother did present a pretty convincing case, but she seems to forget that this is America and people are innocent until proven guilty, but even if a person is guilty, is it fair to punish their family and friends? Do the people in their close circle have to be guilty by association? The man’s ex-wife was on the show and she described the effect her ex-husband’s suicide had on their children. She talked about how her son had a really hard time dealing with it and how he had to be medicated and how one day he finally felt good enough to leave the house. He went for a bike ride past his father’s old home and came back with about 50 fliers that the lady had put up, naming his father as a person of interest. I mean come on. The man was dead. Was it really necessary to continue to put his face and his name on the fliers? The only people left to deal with it were his friends and family, and I don’t care what he did, his eleven year-old son should not have to deal with those fliers on top of losing his father.

I understand that the woman wants to find her daughter’s body and I have no problem with that but I think her behavior has to be addressed. How far should one go when looking for justice? If I believe with all of my heart that someone has committed a crime, am I justified in doing whatever necessary to make that person’s life a living hell until they are brought to justice? And what if the person dies before I feel that justice was carried out, do I have the right to continue to drag their name through the mud?

I can empathize with both sides. If I lost my child, I would want justice for them, but on the other side, if my child was accused of something that they kept telling me they didn’t do, I wouldn’t want someone harassing them either.

Status: Noticing that battle lines look different when you’re on opposing sides.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Degrees of Wrong

Sometimes I feel disconnected from the world. Not in the depressed "woe is me" kind of way, but in the, "am I the only person who thinks about that" kind of way. I have an ability to put myself in other people’s shoes and that makes me a little more sensitive to certain issues. I’m empathetic but I’m not a bleeding heart. I’m the type of person who distinguishes between the facts of a case before I lump it with other cases. I see the difference between the man who steals simply because he can, and the man who steals to survive. Both are wrong, but in my eyes, one is far worse than the other. I know people who would lump both men together because a thief is a thief, and I don’t think that is right.

I genuinely see people as individuals. I might make the occasional off color joke but I’d never think that I knew a person just by looking at them. People are far more complicated than that. You can make assumptions based on appearances, but you can’t decide who a person is until you get to know them and sometimes you may find that your assumption was completely off.

I don’t know what made me go on this tangent today. Sorry. Anyway, here’s another poem.

The Rodeo

I can’t explain the things I feel,
For you
I can ride bulls and rope goats
But I can’t
I can’t lasso the thoughts in my head
The ones I have
Of you

I can say those words that hurt
But I can’t,
I can’t
Say those that close the gap
Between you and I,
I can’t
Do that
For you

I wish my gate would open,
For you
I would ignore the clock and people
And see
Just you
Waiting to be tamed
By me.

Status: Feeling like polluting the web with my writing, but waiting until I’ve thought about it a little more.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Invasion

Every spring, the ants begin invading my house again and I don’t just mean tiny ants either. I mean tiny ants, medium sized ants, large ants and flying ants. It’s a full-fledged assault. You would think the ants would have learned their lesson by now. The truth is that I will win the war because I always do. They will annoy me for a week or so and I will kill and kill again. I will spray and fog them to either death or retreat. They will lose many members of their colony and for what? Because they wanted to come out of hiding?

I’m writing about it because I feel bad about killing so many of them. I wish there was a way for us to coexist without them giving me the willies. I know they are like microscopic compared to me, but the idea of one of them crawling on me just freaks me out and that is why I kill them. They have to learn that invading my space threatens me and forces me to react.

I have my moments though when I let ants live. When I’m in a particularly peaceful mood, I’ll give the ant a choice. I’ll put my foot down on the floor. If the ant walks in the other direction then I’ll usually let it live, but if the ant walks towards my foot then I will crush it. I rarely offer this choice though. I figure if the ant is brave enough to enter my territory in broad daylight then that’s a pretty brave ant and who knows where else it might venture to if I don’t kill it.

Status: At war with ants.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Men Can Be Abused Too!

I feel like the last time I blogged was months ago, even though I only missed a week. It’s amazing how quickly this has become a part of my life and how similar this is to working out. Just like working out, blogging is one of those things that lend itself to either being very consistent or falling off the wagon completely. When working out, if you miss one day, it becomes easier to miss the next scheduled day and then the next one and then you’ve missed a month and you either feel like crap or you’re like me and you just laugh it off and say working out isn’t for you or as I said about the blogging, sticking to a routine isn’t for me.

Okay now that I have that nonsense out of the way, there is something that has been really bothering me. Before I get in to it, I’d just like to say that it has nothing to do with Chris and Rihanna or the debate about them and what happened between them. I just have a general observation of things people have said about domestic violence. Suddenly all the shows are discussing domestic violence, but most of them have a noticeable skew. Yes, I understand that women are either the most likely to be abused in a relationship or the most likely to report it, whatever the case, people often associate a battered woman with domestic abuse, but what about all the physically and emotionally battered men? Focusing on women makes it appear to be something that doesn’t happen to a “man” and so what is a man supposed to do when he finds himself in an abusive situation if the perception is that it only happens to women? There are men out there who are being abused everyday whether by a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but who speaks for them? Do they even know that it’s not okay for people to hit them or throw things at them? Do they even realize that they are being abused? I found one article that said, “Male victims are less likely than female victims to report it or consider it a crime, which makes crime data (crime reports or crime-based surveys) unreliable. But sociological surveys consistently show women initiate domestic violence as often as men and men suffer one-third of injuries.” Women are the face of domestic abuse much in the same way that young white boys were the face of the Catholic Church sex scandal, which is my way of saying that the abuse is not limited to only the faces you see. I didn’t know men were abused by women as much as they were until I went looking for the information. It’s shocking!

Another theme that I have heard repeatedly in the recent discussions about domestic violence is that no matter what a woman does, a man should never hit a woman, he can restrain her, but he should never hit her. I think people need to stop regurgitating this crap. This is part of the reason why a lot of guys shut up and take it when a woman hits them. The truth is that everyone should keep their hands to themselves, period. A woman should not slap a man if she does not want him to slap her back and vice versa. I’m so sick of society saying things like “girls don’t hit as hard as boys” and “boys are stronger than girls,” this may be true on average, but there are some girls out there who could give some boys a run for their money in terms of violence. When I was a substitute teacher, I saw a couple of girls step to boys looking to fight them. I remember one boy said something like, “I don’t hit girls,” and the girl responded by saying something like, “Well I guess I’m going to kick your ass then.” Obviously I got over to the kids as quickly as I could, and fortunately, there were no actual fights on my watch, but it was close.

I think I established in previous blogs that I am pretty much anti-violence and that goes for violence of any kind. In an ideal world, no one would hit anyone, but we don’t live in an ideal world. Of course restraining someone until they calm down is a welcome alternative, but do you know how much strength it takes to restrain someone who is out of control?

I didn’t write this blog to say that men are being abused at the same rate as women or to give a man a free pass for hitting a woman. I wrote this blog to remind people that violence is not appropriate when it is a man perpetuating the violence or when it is a woman perpetuating the violence. Saying anything less than that does us all a disservice.

I found this quote and I think it sums things up nicely:

"Domestic violence is a human problem, not a gender problem."
- Dear Abby

Status: Thinking that some double standards are more damaging than others.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Cruise Control

I’ve been floating along all week. It’s a good thing I guess because this hasn’t been a bad week. It’s been a nice week. Rather pleasant in fact. I have been working, relaxing and writing. The writing has been the most soothing part though. I really don’t have anything to say. I probably should post another poem but I don’t feel like looking for an old one or writing a new one so I don’t see that happening today. I’m going to watch the finale of America’s Best Dance Crew. I wonder which team will win. I didn’t vote. I think both teams are good. I remember Hok from So You Think You Can Dance so I was rooting for his crew from day one, but I wouldn’t be upset if the girl crew won.

Status: Coasting through the week.

Monday, March 2, 2009

One Good Day

I am having a good day for the first time in a long time. I mean I woke up this morning and I just felt like smiling, like I was the largest pearl in the sea. I’m not sure why today is so good, but I am so thankful that it is. I haven’t had a positively amazing day like this all year. It feels good to breathe. It feels good to be alive. It just feels good. I’m not overly excited or bouncing off the walls or anything, I’m just happy. I haven’t done anything special today. In all honestly, I haven’t left my house today and I don’t plan on leaving this evening, which means I will be spending this glorious day inside. Fortunately, it’s freezing outside, and I like the idea of staying warm so I don’t feel like I might be missing out on something.

Status: Smiling like a Cheshire cat.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Great Episode Reshuffle

I wasn’t going to blog about this because it seems trivial, but I’ve been on a television kick the past few weeks, so television is one of the main things I have to talk about right now. I saw Medium this week and the oldest daughter, Ariel, had just gotten her Learner’s Permit and her father was giving her driving lessons. This would be all well and good if the same daughter hadn’t been driving in an episode of Medium that aired a couple of weeks before. I remember the daughter driving because when I saw her, I turned to the person I was watching the show with and asked them when the girl got her license. They were just as surprised as I was. It really bothers me when shows aren’t consistent. I’m one of those people who notice things like that. I mean it didn’t ruin the show for me, it just annoyed me. Please take the time to put the episodes in the right order. Dont throw out a new episode with no consideration of the episodes that came before it.

Status: Thinking that there is nothing wrong with a little continuity.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Missing My Words

I feel like I haven’t blogged in a while. I’ve been trying to do at least two posts a week. I guess I just don’t have much to say. I’ve been trying to make some final decisions about things. I spent a good week with my mind made up, but now I have gone back to flip-flopping. I think being indecisive is just in my nature, along with self-doubt.

Status: Sad that Kyle XY has been cancelled and Monk is ending after this summer.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Scatter Please

The stimulus package put back in some good things for Ohio so I can’t be as bitter anymore.

I’ve been watching American Idol again. I was really rooting for the Ohio guys last night but neither delivered. The guy from Beachwood, Stephen Fowler, should have been great, but he, like so many of his fellow contestants selected the song from hell. I don’t know why he did that to himself.

I’m thinking about announcing something, but I haven’t made a final decision so I can’t go in to specifics yet.

I wish I was more decisive.

Status: Feeling a little scatterbrained.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Everyone Knows Celebrities are More Important Than Real News

This has been a stressful week. I’m tired of hearing celebrity gossip but I can’t escape it. How did celebrity gossip worm its way in to regular newscasts? The news already focuses its attention on all that is wrong with the world, I don’t need to hear the same gossip rephrased every day about the same situation. In case you can’t read between the lines: I’m tired of hearing about Chris Brown and Rihanna. My goodness! Neither of them has released a statement to the media yet every day there is something new reported/leaked. The only thing I want to hear is what they have to say, even though their situation is none of my business. When one of them says something, let me know, until then, let’s talk about the plethora of major issues that are effecting America.

Speaking of issues effecting America: can we have the stimulus package already? And while we’re at it, can the government explain to all the people suffering in my state (Ohio) why their suffering will continue for the forseeable future because it is not the federal government’s responsibility to step in and help. The government will freely hand the American people’s money to banks but when its time to figure out a way to get the American people’s money back in to the hands of the people, then its time to sit down and do some serious thinking because Heaven forbid they spend too much of the American people’s money on the American people. Then again, as a disclaimer in case my ignorance has over simplified the issue, I freely admit that I know nothing about economics.

Status: Wondering why Chris Brown and Rihanna are getting more coverage than the stimulus package. Hmm. Which issue is more important?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Serrated Edges

So much happened this weekend. I don’t know where to begin. It’s a shame that the stories I want to talk about are all about other people’s lives. Celebrities are real people just like the rest of us but whenever they mess up people care. I confess that I am actually more upset with Alex Rodriguez using steroids than I am with whatever happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna. Don’t get me wrong, domestic violence is not a trivial matter, but I don’t know exactly what happened between them yet so there’s still a chance that something may change my opinion of the situation, but with Alex, the reveal is over. Why Alex? Why? He said he felt a lot of pressure because he was the highest paid player. Um, okay. That doesn’t make using steroids okay. I am terribly disappointed in him. I’m happy that he stopped using them, but still disappointed that he used them at all. I remember when he and Derek Jeter first started playing professional baseball, back when I was much younger and they were much cuter. I hope next weekend brings better news because this weekend was bad.

Oh I forgot to talk about the Grammy’s. I don’t have much to say about the show. I saw it. I was happy to see Sugarland and Adele but I still don’t get why their performances were joined but not really joined. Either sing together or just give them two different sets since they essentially did two different sets until they came together at the end. I love Taylor Swift, but I wasn’t feeling the collaboration with Miley Cyrus, probably because I group Miley with the Jonas Brothers and I put Taylor right up there with Sugarland. I think I am one of the few people left in the world who does not like the Jonas Brothers. It’s nothing personal against them, I’ve just done the whole cheesy boy band thing before (Hi Backstreet Boys and N Sync and 98 degrees).

Here’s a random poem:

Serrated Edges

Though the light was transformed from the part that hurt
The dark still remained, reminiscing about the old times
The sun did its best to illuminate all that was there
But the darkness had already laid its claim.
Emptiness chopped down the progress,
Like a rusty blade leaving traces of its path
All that could breath on its own soon perished
While that which needed something else was left behind.
What was sharpened by a silver tongue can no longer last.

Status: Acknowledging my constant battle between changing and staying the same.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Ode to Change

I don't have much to say today. I finally worked out my master plan for the summer: Do something major. I feel like I have to make a major change in my life. I don't know why, but the call to action is finally too loud for me to ignore. This summer I will be getting a new residence because I need a change of scenery. To the voices in my head: the message has been received so feel free to quiet down a little. I hear you, okay, I hear you.

Status: Hoping this post didn't make me sound a little, shall we say, disturbed.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Don’t Talk About Michael Phelps For (Allegedly) Smoking Pot, Talk About Him For Being Dumb Enough to Do it In Public!

I wasn’t going to say anything about Michael Phelps and the bong, but I woke up this morning and realized that there was not something wrong with him, but rather with me and my assessment of his situation. When I first saw the headline, I wasn’t surprised that Phelps was smoking pot. I didn’t click on the story to find out more about his drug use; I clicked on the story to find out which one of his friends sold him out. After reading the article, I wasn’t bothered by the marijuana, but rather his stupidity. If he had done drugs with his friends and one of them turned him in, I would have said that was a bad friend, but he did drugs around a bunch of strangers who had absolutely no allegiance to him. I mean what did he expect? The most shocking part for me is that it took so long for the story to be published. I bet the American magazines didn’t want to touch it and that’s why it had to be published by the British first.

On a completely random note: Some people think it is strange that I have never tried marijuana or anything like that. I’ve been around people who were smoking marijuana. I’ve had people hold a joint up to my lips and try to get me to try it, but I pushed it away and continued talking. It’s just not something I’ve ever been tempted to try. I don’t want to know what I’m like when I’m high and I have no intentions of ever finding out. I do wonder how Michael Phelps was when he was high though. He seems like the kind of person who would be bouncing off the walls before he got high and then just kind of chill afterwards. Hmm, perhaps his fellow partygoers can enlighten us.

Status: Wondering what would happen if marijuana was legalized in all the states and wondering if I am the only person who thinks that the Super Bowl commercials are actually not as good as they once were.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Wally Szczerbiak Has a Nice Ass. There, I Said It!

I went to see the Cavs game last night (Cleveland Cavaliers vs. LA Clippers). I am sad to report that I am apparently not a true fan because I did not enjoy myself. Maybe my years or dare I say, decades, of watching basketball games on television has corrupted me or maybe my dislike for large groups of people and heavy traffic ruined the night before it began. Whatever the case, I sat in my seat with every intention of enjoying the game.

I’d like to take a moment here to say that, for the record, seats matter. I was almost as far up as you can be. I mean I couldn’t complain because the tickets were given to me, but still, my seat also played a role in my dissatisfaction. When you’re as high up as I was, you don’t really see faces on the court well. You see the warm ups and the shape of the player and you know who you’re looking at, but it wasn’t a special experience for me. I mean I saw a big bald head and was like oh Z is back, then I saw a mop of wild hair, oh there’s Varejao, then I saw little thing 1 and little thing 2, aka Daniel “Booby” Gibson and Mo Williams. Little thing 1 and little thing 2 are my personal nicknames for them inspired by Dr. Seuss, their small size and the irony of their jersey numbers. It’s funny how Daniel and Mo look so small on the court but tower over me in real life. Anyway, I saw them all and watched LeBron do his little powder thing, ooh exciting, I know.

The game started off on the wrong note. The guy next to me decided he wanted to sing the National Anthem with the children's choir. It’s bad enough when you sing along and you have a good voice, but this guy couldn’t sing. Once the game started, I realized that I had the great misfortune of sitting near an idiot. There was a woman behind me yelling at the players and trying to tell them what to do. If I was a more confrontational type of person, I would have turned around and said, ‘Look lady, they can’t hear you, so shut up!’ The irony is that she wasn’t the only person doing it. There was a child yelling at the players and telling them to shoot and steal the ball, but for some reason, I just found the child’s voice amusing. Every time the little boy said something, I smiled and wondered if he actually thought they heard him. The lesson here: some things are only cute when children do them.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people yelling out things like, “oh man!” or things of that nature, but the lady was abusing the privilege. I confess that I sometimes say things to the television when I’m at home. Obviously the players can’t hear me and thankfully the television has never responded to me.

On a side note, about halfway through the first quarter I noticed Wally’s ass. I mean the rest of the players on the court had butts, but Wally had an ass. I’m not an ass man or something, I mean I don’t have a thing for butts, I’m just saying that Wally has a really nice one. I admit that I was distracted by it for a few seconds after I noticed it. At one point I realized that my eyes had followed Wally’s ass up and down the court a few times without paying attention to the ball. That realization made me laugh to myself. I mean I noticed on television that Wally was a thick guy, you know and well yeah, but the television cameras don’t follow Wally’s ass down the court, so I never had a chance to properly assess the situation (hehe).

I couldn’t be Wally’s teammate. I think I would slap his ass too much. I’d be like, “Hey Wally, what’s up?” (slap his ass), he’d miss a shot and I’d run over to him, “It’s okay Wally” (slap his ass), we’d be finishing a time out and I’d be like, “Let’s go get them, Wally,” (slap his ass). I mean I’d do it so much that things could only work out one of two ways: 1. I would get tired of putting in overtime just to slap his ass so I would start treating his ass just like everyone else’s (pun intended) or 2. He would notice the extra special treatment and say something about it.

I think our conversation would go something like this:

Wally: Um dude, I need to talk to you about something.
Me: Okay.
Wally: I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to put it out there. I feel like you slap me on my ass a lot. I mean I know we all do it, but sometimes it seems like you go out of your way to slap me on my ass, and don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes it even feels like you’re giving me a little squeeze.
Me (playing dumb): Really?
Wally: Yeah.
Me: Well man I didn’t know it was bothering you. I just like playing with your ass, (then I’d look at his face to see if I could get a reaction out of him) but I’ll stop.
Wally: Thanks.
Me: Hey, no problem, if you don’t want me tapping that ass, I won’t do it. (Then I would give him a cheesy grin and laugh like it was a joke.) So is that all you wanted to talk to me about?
Wally: Um yeah.
Me: We still cool?
Wally: Of course.
Then we’d do the man hug and I’d slap his ass as we pulled back then raise my arms and act innocent.
Me: Sorry, force of habit.

Yes, I put some thought in to what would happen. I have a vivid imagination, so sue me.

I couldn't find a picture that did Wally's ass justice, so I decided to just post a nice picture of him.

Back to my rant:

Another thing I hated about the game was that I couldn’t move unless I said excuse me. I don’t like making other people have to stand just so I can move. I’d rather watch the game from home. I love the commentary, I love the way the game looks so much faster on television than it does in real life and I love the fact that I don’t have to deal with other people when I’m at home. That said, I would go to a Cavs game again, but I would have to have decent seats. I wouldn’t even take free tickets if it meant I had to sit where I was sitting last night.

I left before the game ended because I didn’t want to have to deal with the traffic. Now I can’t help but wonder what kind of fan am I? A true fan would be happy to be there and wouldn’t care where they were seated. A true fan wouldn’t bitch and moan about the traffic. A true fan would stay until the bitter end. So what does that make me?

Status: Relinquishing my status as a true Cavs fan.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ted Haggard Stands Back Up

Okay, so before I say anything, I’m going to admit that I did not watch the actual interview. To be honest, I had no interest in watching the interview. I saw a clip of Ted Haggard on Oprah on CNN. In the clip, Ted was explaining that he wasn’t sure if he was gay or bisexual or what so he asked his therapist. Um, I hate to be the one to break it to him, but your therapist can’t answer a question like that for you. Only you know what you think and how you feel. You can describe the difference for you in terms of being with a man or a woman, but you can’t capture the actual feeling. Only you know which you prefer or don’t prefer, if you prefer one at all. I’m not one of those people who believe that every man who has sex with another man is gay. Some people really do enjoy being with both sexes and some people really don’t care who they’re with as long as it is a warm body. I don’t know what his deal is. I have theories, but I don’t know the man so I can’t confirm my theories.

I, personally, could care less about him in terms of whether he can salvage some sort of career for himself, but I am glad to see that he is getting back out in to the public eye because it’s a good example of always getting back up no matter what life throws your way. I mean if he can stand back up after having his deepest darkest secrets exposed on a national level, there is no excuse for any of the rest of us to ever hide our faces.

Speaking of God and gay people, I watched Prayers for Bobby over the weekend. I knew it was going to break my heart and it did. It was such a sad story, made only worse by the fact that it was true. It was a good movie though and obviously my heart goes out to the Griffith family because no one deserves to lose someone that way.

Status: Eagerly waiting for the day when a single (as in unmarried) preacher will be caught with a man and drugs and the scandalous part will be the drugs.

Friday, January 23, 2009

A Warning to Those Who Cheat

I feel like it has been a little while since I shared a poem. It probably hasn’t, but whatever.


Three hours before this moment,
I was betraying the one I love.

As the moment unfolds,
My heart struggles to beat,
Fighting against the urge to stop
My lungs fill with air,
Reminding me to breathe
My eyes dart towards the one who shares my guilt
Hoping to not be seen
My lips begin to expand
Smiling as an involuntary response
My brain fires signals
Making me turn towards the one I love.

In the moment,
The one I love is holding my hand,
Waiting for my response
My voice is muted by the question,
“Do you two know each other?”
My body trembles as the answer becomes clear.

Three hours before this moment,
I was saying I would never be caught.

I squeeze the hand of the one I love,
Trying to hold on to what I am about to lose
My first instinct is to say no,
Preserving my innocence.
My mouth moves to begin forming the word
Then I am silenced by the one who shares my guilt
My secret lover does not wish to be secret any longer

Three hours before this moment,
I had everything I wanted.
Three seconds after it, I had nothing.

Status: Trying to remember what inspired me to write this poem.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

No Homo

There is a new phrase that I have been hearing a lot that I am already tired of hearing. The new phrase is “no homo.” People say things to each other like, “I love you. No homo.” My niece has sent me several chain messages forwarded to her by friends with “no homo” on their message. If I had a friend who looked at me and said, “I love you, no homo,” we’d have a problem. Whenever my friends tell me they love me, I assume it’s ‘no homo.’ I mean my friends would have to grab me and try to tongue kiss me before I ever thought they meant they loved me in a sexual way.

Part of me is tempted to play dumb when I hear that phrase and be like “No homo? Is that short for no homo sapiens? No humans? What does that mean?” Unfortunately, I don’t want people to think that I’m a complete imbecile, so I would never say that out loud. Whoever came up with the phrase needs to claim it and take it back. What kind of friends are you if you have to specify ‘no homo’ when you tell your friend that you love them? Isn’t it implicit when dealing with friends that when you say, ‘I love you,’ it means ‘I love you like a brother/sister’ and not ‘I’m in love with you and I want you?’

Yes, sometimes friends do fall in love with each other, but you have to do something about it for it to count. You have to cross the line of friendship. You can’t simply say, ‘I love you,’ because your friend will assume you mean in the platonic way unless you clue them in otherwise, by saying, ‘I love you’ and then making a move on them.

Status: Revealing how not cool I apparently am.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A Quick Thought

Congratulations President Barack Obama!

I enjoyed today but probably not for the reason why everyone would assume. I enjoyed today because I saw so many people united and happy. It was a beautiful sight and I’m glad I was able to watch it on television. I do not know where America will be in four years. I don’t know if we will have changed for the better or for the worse, but I do know that we began this new Presidential term on the right note.

Status: Praying that America will somehow manage to stay unified.