Sunday, November 30, 2008

Holiday Spirit

Thanksgiving has come and gone and I’m starting to realize that the holidays are not good for me. I’m always excited leading up to the holiday, then the holiday comes and I have to worry if I’m going to be dragged along to visit people or if people have invited themselves to my family dinner. Fortunately this year was free of people who invited themselves and visits to people other than immediate family who I want to see. This is the first year in a long time that I could say that.

The reason the holidays are not good for me is because the next day I start thinking about all the goals I had the previous year and how few of them I’ve accomplished. There were a lot of things I wanted to have done by Thanksgiving and my actual results were rather disappointing. I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s life or both, but something is off.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a glass half-full type of person, but there’s something dragging my spirit down, if that makes sense. I need to figure out what it is so I can go back to the ridiculously happy me that I miss so much. The ‘me’ that I only see occasionally now.

Status: Wondering if I’m beginning to have a problem with depression or if my life really is that depressing.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Will & Grace Watch Luke and Noah

Okay, so I was all for the Luke and Noah storyline on As the World Turns. It started out pretty good, it had a nice soapy feeling to it then it slowly became a complete drag. I was sick and tired of the storyline and it wasn’t just because the characters did not kiss for a long period of time, it was because the storyline was horrible, but I couldn’t complain because the other storylines on the show were just as bad. Eventually, Luke and Noah started acting like a regular couple and now have a real story, and though their new story is slightly disturbing to me, it is evidence that they are now being treated like a regular soap couple.

Anyway, I bring this up because I read spoilers about the show every now and then so I can decide if I want to bother watching the episode online or just let it be something I missed. I’m sick of Brad’s character by the way, but I’m in love with Carly. Of course I watched the episode where Brian kissed Luke! That was a must see episode. Although I admit that the kiss left me feeling squirmy like I had just witnessed somebody being molested or something. My reaction had nothing to do with the age difference and everything to do with the way the scene was shot and the dialogue was written. Brian was taking care of Luke like a father would and then suddenly he was stealing a kiss. It was troubling to me.

Now that I have gotten completely off topic, let me try to get back to the reason for this post. There was a long time when Luke and Noah did not kiss. The show found some creative and some less than creative ways to keep Luke and Noah’s lips from making contact. In one episode the camera panned away right when Luke and Noah were about to kiss. Some YouTuber has created a “Will & Grace” spoof of the Luke and Noah non-kiss by editing footage from both shows. I found it amusing, so I decided to share it.

I actually saw that episode of As The World Turns when it aired, and I had the same, wtf reaction when the camera panned away. That was when I knew for sure that Luke and Noah were going to take a few steps backwards and revert to elementary kids holding hands and calling that a relationship (not that there’s anything wrong with holding hands but this is a soap opera). Things are better now so I won’t complain.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I Write Too Much

I am glad to report that the torture has ended! I am officially done being ignored, mistreated, and disrespected on a daily basis and it feels great! I want to climb on a rooftop and shout “Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!” although I wonder if that is taking the name of Jesus in vain. I was never really clear on what constituted taking the Lord’s name in vain.

I need to consolidate my disks, because I have stories and poems scattered all over the place, but I’m too lazy to take the time to do that. I was going through some of my disks today and found a lot of things I have written and don’t remember writing.

Status: Trying to get back on track.

Monday, November 10, 2008

A Quick Poem

I realize it’s been a while since I shared a poem, so here’s a short one:

Spoken Secrets

Here’s to the sounds,
Seamlessly stringing moments together
Flawlessly allowing things that aren’t to become things that are
It’s madness and nothingness and spoken secrets

Waves of confusion masked as calming tides of thought
Moving slowly and retracting quickly
The baby steps in the sand are all that is erased

Sounds bounce and echo coming back as something less
It’s the unseen that redeems the unheard
Calling forth blurry images of people and places
Incomplete visions of nothing but moving lips

Waves of confusion masked as calming tides of thought
Moving slowly and retracting quickly
The baby steps in the sand are all that is erased,
It’s madness and nothingness.

Status: Recovering from another long day.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Barack Obama, Proposition 8, Shameless Ranting and My Failure to Receive God's Memos

Okay, so apparently the students have gotten to me so badly that I forgot to mention the two major events of last week. Barack Obama is the president elect of the United States of America! His landslide victory made me feel sorry for John McCain and I still think that the race would have been closer if McCain hadn’t selected Sarah Palin as his running mate, but that’s just my opinion.

The other major event that happened last week was the passage of Proposition 8 in California. I expected it to pass because of what I was hearing, but I was still stunned when it did pass. Before it passed, I joked with a friend that I looked to California for my liberal guidance and I didn’t know what I would do if the state passed a ban on gay marriage. I still don’t understand how a decision like that can be put up to popular vote.

Now I need to be politically incorrect. Everyone is saying that the religious vote pushed it over. Apparently traditional marriage must be protected. I’d like to take a moment and play devil’s advocate on this one. I think traditional marriage should be protected. I think eloping should be outlawed and no one should be allowed to have a quickie marriage in Las Vegas because marriage is a serious institution which should not be entered in to lightly. I think people should only be allowed to get divorced if there is abuse involved because divorcing someone due to the fact that you don’t like them anymore is not a good enough reason. Oh and while we’re at it, I think adultery should be considered a serious crime because it is an act against the sanctity of marriage and a violation of the traditional marriage.

On a less facetious note, I think the overly religious people who poured their money in to trying to get the ban passed should take a look at their own congregations before they start casting stones at others. How many “traditional marriages” do their congregants have and anyone who has been divorced, has committed adultery or has a baby out of wedlock doesn’t count.

The idea that churches would somehow be forced to perform same-sex marriages is almost ridiculous. A reverend has the right to refuse to marry people, just as a rabbi has the right not to perform an interfaith marriage. I know people who have been directly affected by both. Some ministers don’t want to perform marriages for people who haven’t been baptized or people who aren’t members of their congregation. Religious institutions have, and unfortunately always will have, the right of refusal. They can even refuse to let a funeral be held at their location and with the amount of money that some religious institutions bring in, I almost want to laugh that they even mentioned losing funding. I thought churches were run on faith and where there’s faith there’s a way, right?

I like to believe I’m a religious person, but sometimes I wonder if perhaps I am not as religious as I should be, because apparently I’ve been missing a lot of God’s memos.

Status: Thanking God that there are some churches out there that understand the meaning of “come as you are” and freely accept that we are all sinners.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Don’t Do Long Term Favors for People

I’ve learned my lesson the hard way: don’t do long term favors for people. Short term favors are still okay, but don’t commit yourself to something long term. I did a favor for someone. I am essentially working two full-time jobs. My few hours of teaching have morphed in to me basically working as a full-time teacher, because I teach classes all day, I grade papers and homework and all that crap, but I don’t get paid like a teacher. This was supposed to be for a month and now the date keeps getting pushed back. It probably wouldn’t be a problem if the kids were okay, but the kids are horrible.

The kids don’t know how to whisper. They yell at the person sitting right next to them. They are so loud that I spend about half the class time asking them to be quiet so that their classmates who do want to learn can hear me. As luck would have it, I got a cold and I was very hoarse. The kids didn’t care. I still had to try to out talk them. If I wasn’t there as a favor to someone, I would have called in sick because it was ridiculous. I have written kids up, gotten kids suspended, talked to kid’s parents and the behavior persists. My voice should be back by now. Truthfully my voice was almost back then I had a particularly bad day with the kids. I’ve been hoarse for over two weeks.

As if the voice problems aren’t enough, I find myself getting depressed and stressed out because these kids are so unbelievably disrespectful. I feel like I’m being tortured. I get up early in the morning just so I can spend the day being treated like garbage, then rush home and work my regular job so I can have some real money coming in, then grade homework or tests, plan the lesson for the next day and go to bed with the horrible truth that I have to get up the next day and repeat it all over again.

My writing has been relegated to the back burner and I think that is contributing to my unhappiness. I’m one of those people who need to write. My sister laughed at me the other day when I told her I feel like I must have wronged someone and I’m being punished for it. I told her I wish I knew what I did because I would find that person and tell them how truly sorry I am and apologize until they forgave me and released me from this curse.

I could quit, and I think I will soon because I can’t deal with the way I’m being treated. Of course, I’ll give proper notice. Hopefully I keep my word this time. I said I was going to stop doing it when the original time we agreed to was up, but that date has come and gone and I’m still submitting myself to a constant barrage of mental and verbal abuse.

As for this blog and my writing, I’m going to try to find some time to get back to both because I think that will help relieve some of the stress I feel.

Status: Hoping I can get out of this mess.