Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Oh yeah, I do have a website

I’m slow sometimes. I was reading my last post and I realized that I am an idiot. I have a website: ! Maybe I should actually work on it. I could put my men on that site and have some of my stories and poems there. It would fit with the type of writing I do and it would be convenient. The only problem is that now I actually do need to figure out how to make certain changes to the website. I wish I was good with computers.

I’m in the mood to post another poem:

It’s Me, Not You

I had a dream that you held my hand and said you needed me.
I realized I was unprepared.
So, I’m walking away while I still have control.

Some people are built to be needed
They grow strong under the pressure of outstretched hands
I wish I could be like them
But pressure weighs me down.

Don’t misunderstand,
I’m not saying it’s your fault for trying to lean on me
I’m saying it’s my fault for not letting you.

Status: Ready to do some grading then take a look at my website.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Thoughts in my Head

I’m trying to post more often again. I’m feeling good today. I thought today would be long and tiresome because last Friday ended on a bad note, but I was wrong. Today was good. I had a lot of nice surprises, including some unexpected free time.

I keep saying that I’m going to start submitting my stories to places, but I still haven’t taken any real action. With the exception of Lucas and Lionel, I haven’t done much outside of my group and Nifty. I know I need to change that. I really have to put forth the effort to get my name out there.

I’ve been debating on joining authonomy. It looks like an interesting site. I think Starving for Love might be a good fit for that site.

I was reading the last chapter of Bump This and I know I need to post it and get it over with, but I’ve been a bit hesitant. I’m still debating on making changes.

In other news, my Brownies (Cleveland Browns) lost again over the weekend, but my Bucks (The Ohio State Buckeyes) won. It was a weekend that went pretty much as expected. I am a bit surprised that OSU is holding steady at number 2. I know they haven’t lost yet, but in all honesty, who have they really played? If they had lost any of their games so far, I would be shaking my head in disbelief. Pryor is looking good though. I hope he can keep it up against the tougher teams.

I’m debating on starting a website devoted to the men in my life (aka men from television, stories and movies). I know that’s a little pathetic sounding, but I really need an outlet now that one of my favorite columns has bid me farewell. Plus, everyone needs to know what McDean Day is. Lol. I loved those boys.

Status: Cheery-o.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Here we go again

I need to work on being more focused. I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish before this time next year. I’m working on a few different ventures but I know I need to slow down and devote my attention to one or two things. Anyway, it’s random poem day.

Mama Said

Somewhere between whispers and tears lies what’s left of us
My mother predicted this was where we would be
She said you didn’t have it in you to stay mine forever
I should have believed her
She always wanted the best for me
And she never hesitated to tell me when I was falling short
Like that day, before I committed to you,
She told me I would regret my decision
She said she wished things would work out for us,
But she felt in her heart that I loved you more
Maybe she saw it, too.
Whatever the case, the rumors started about a year later
Yesterday, I caught you
You were somewhere between mine and his
When you should have been mine.
My mother warned me about you
I should have listened to what my mama said.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Goodbye Reid and GOOL and hello Ste.

This day has been full of surprises but most of them haven’t been good. I had an interesting day at work. Most of my students have fallen in line, but I have one class that is trying its hardest to rebel.

I was over at After Elton today and I read that one of the actors from Beautiful Thing (the guy who played Ste), is going to join Hollyoaks. I may have to actually watch a couple of episodes and see how the new gay storyline is. I can’t believe Beautiful Thing was released in 1996. Seeing the year was a wtf moment. 1996! Are you kidding me? That movie is that old? I remember the first time I saw it. I was in a room by myself. It was late at night and I was scared that someone would come in and catch me watching the movie. It must have been on IFC because that was how I got my gay movie fix back in the day. There are moments in that movie that I will never forget. I remember certain scenes quite vividly. I especially remember feeling the sexual tension between Ste and Jamie when Jamie was putting the ointment on Ste’s back. It was sweet and innocent and there was nothing romantic about it yet I there was something about Jamie’s tenderness and the way Ste let his guard down.

Anyway, I’m sad. Not because I realized I was in middle school when the movie was released or because the guy who played Ste is all grown up now, but because As the World Turns killed off Reid last week and is killing the show this week and to top it off, I went to After Elton, after a hard week of teaching, in hopes of reading Gays of Our Lives and reading what all of my favorite men have been up to this week and what they will be up to next week. Turns out this is pretty much the last week of Gays of Our Lives. That sucks. I read the reasoning, and I understand, but that doesn’t mean I agree with the decision. I know I shouldn’t be complaining. I’ll continue watching my men on YouTube and other sites, but I was a little bit addicted to checking GOOL at some point during the week and I don’t like losing pieces of my routine.

I know I’m overreacting about GOOL. I always watch my favorite couples on YouTube first so it shouldn’t be a big deal that Anthony is going to discontinue his column, but for some reason that hit me hard.

Status: Thinking I should be frustrated and upset and wondering why I’m feeling a sense of loss over things that shouldn’t matter.