Gleek for the Night

I’m not a gleek, but I will be tonight. Glee is doing Michael Jackson and I can’t resist the previews. I have to see it. This will probably be one of the few times when I watch Glee. I’ve only see one full episode before and that was this season. I watched the episode in which the two couples were supposed to consummate their relationships. One male/female couple and one male/male couple (one guess which one I was watching for). The episode wasn’t bad, but Glee isn’t my thing. I didn’t care to follow the couples after that episode, or check spoilers online, or keep tabs on the show at all. I really don’t care what happens on the show, except for tonight. I have to watch tonight. I’m going to miss part of my Cavs’ game so I can watch Glee, so it better be worth it.

Cavs and Celtics...I'm a Bad Fan

I watched most of the Cavs’ game yesterday, but I turned it off when it became obvious that the Cavs were going to lose. Imagine my surprise when I found out that the Cavs ended up winning the game by one point. I wasn’t sure what to think. It was definitely unbelievable, but in a very good way. I’m proud of my Cavs for not giving up. I should have kept the game on. I could have seen an incredible comeback; instead, I threw in the towel and moved on to a different show. Anyway, go Cavs!

Nadal and Djokovic

Wow! The Australian Open Men’s Final was crazy! Okay, I’m just going to say it: Nadal and Djokovic going at it for almost 6 hours just makes me think bad thoughts. Talk about stamina!

Now that I have that out of my system, I do want to comment on the actual match. That was great tennis! I didn’t get up early enough to watch the entire match and now I’m happy that I didn’t. My butt would be sore from sitting for that long.

Congratulations to Djokovic and kudos to both men. Nadal and Djokovic are super humans (and sexy men). What an amazing final!

Stop with the LeBron-Cleveland Thing!

Have you ever read an article that had such stupidity in it that you questioned your own intelligence after reading it? That happened to me this week. I read an article on LeBron James, because like many Clevelanders (and people in general), I can’t fight the urge to keep tabs on him. It’s like a sick, twisted obsession. I need help…I know. Please don’t judge me.

Anyway, the article was addressing some publicity hungry journalist’s claim that LeBron would consider returning to Cleveland in 2014 because he doesn’t like the way Riley runs things in Miami. My first thought when I saw the headline was “some jackass is trying to get people to read his article by making a crazy claim.” Then I read the article and the one I read was actually a response to the rumor and didn’t actually claim any sources. The article, did, however, speculate that the source of the rumor was probably a Cleveland fan who wanted LeBron to come back. For some reason, that speculation upset me more than anything in the article. Don’t speculate that a Cleveland fan wants LeBron back, call whoever it is a LeBron fan, because no hardcore, self-respecting Cleveland fan should ever open their mouth and say that they want LeBron back.

I admit that I’m biased. I didn’t like all of the phony fans who came out of the woodwork just because the team had LeBron. If you’re a true fan of a team, then you like them no matter who is playing for them. You like them when they’re five hundred and above and you like them when they’re so far below five hundred that they can’t even dream of reaching five hundred that season. You hate that they’re a losing team, but you love them because they’re your team. Unlike LeBron, I grew up being a Cleveland fan. I know my teams usually suck and I don’t like it, but I’m not going to stop supporting them.

Last season, the Cavs set the record for the longest losing streak. We were the best team at losing last season, and what did we get in return for it: Kyrie Irving, and you know what...the kid is better than I thought he would be. I don’t expect a miracle this season, but as usual, I’ll still be watching a lot of the games.

Now, let me get back on topic. Imagine if Dan Gilbert and LeBron James were lovers. I know Gilbert is a Detroit man, but let’s just say that all of Cleveland was Gilbert’s family. First, LeBron wooed the city of Cleveland, because we all know that it pays off to get in good with the family. Gilbert was smitten and decided to have a relationship with LeBron (become the majority owner of the Cavaliers). They kept their relationship private until LeBron said he had an announcement to make. Those who had not noticed the signs thought that LeBron was going to announce his engagement to Dan Gilbert. I was skeptical, but even I said, “Hmm, maybe he will.” Then I found out that the announcement was supposed to be held far away from Gilbert’s family (Cleveland) and I knew things did not look good for Gilbert. Gilbert was too in love to read the writing on the wall until it was too late. Gilbert found out that not only was LeBron leaving him, but LeBron had been cheating on him and was leaving him for three men (Riley, Wade and Bosh). Gilbert was hurt. He wrote an angry letter about their bitter breakup and many people in Cleveland supported Gilbert during his public humiliation because they understood that there was nothing worse than being dumped in front of millions of people and having to watch it over and over again.

Gilbert is a smart business man, but he has feelings too, and I hope he has enough pride to realize that you shouldn’t take someone back when they play you like that. As a lifelong Cavs fan, I’m glad that many of the fake fans have faded in to the shadows and the “LeBron” fans can sport their Miami jerseys while those of us who are “ride or die” Cavs fans can support our team without people assuming that the only reason we like the Cavs is because we have LeBron. The way I see it, LeBron made his bed and he needs to lay in it.

With the exception of that one Detroit game, the Cavs won their games as a team. You don’t put together back to back seasons of 60 wins with just one person contributing. I always hated the way the national media dismissed the rest of the team as interchangeable pieces. The team was good because they had really good chemistry. All the naysayers blamed Cleveland’s losses in the playoffs on the lack of another true superstar on the team. I’m glad that theory was rebuffed when Miami lost to Dallas. LeBron was surrounded by “talent” and still couldn’t get the job done. Don’t mistake that as me saying that I hope LeBron doesn’t win a championship, because that isn’t what I mean. I’m glad he didn’t win one the first year after he left the Cavs because Cleveland never would have lived it down. The national media would have jumped at the chance to point out that it was Cleveland that was holding LeBron back. Now, no matter what happens, they can’t say that.

To be honest, I hope LeBron does win a championship. I’m not upset with him. He made what he felt was the best decision for his career, and I have to respect that, but at the same time, I hope he never wears a Cavs jersey again, because if the Cavs took him back, that would be the first time in my life that I had to re-evaluate my love for the Cleveland Cavaliers. He’s moved on and so have we. Let’s leave it that way.

Mission Almost Complete

I’m not completely over the Cody Cummings thing from yesterday, but I’m trying to move on. I will have to focus on other cute guys. I have to edit a short story and publish it this weekend. I’m thinking about editing The Gift of Air but I have to decide tonight, because it needs to be submitted tomorrow morning at the latest. This is my last weekend and I’m going to do it. I will meet my goal of publishing one short story each weekend in January.

Cody Cummings

I follow Cody Cummings on twitter, but I didn’t take the time to actually look at any of his pictures until today. So today, I clicked on one of his links and saw this:

(This picture is of Joey Hard and Cody Cummings. Click here to go to the Next Door Studios website.)


I immediately assumed Cody Cummings was the guy on the left and Joey Hard was the tanned hard body guy. I clicked the arrow and looked at another picture of Cody. I was wrong about the stage names! Cody Cummings is the tanned hard body one. I confess that I had to look through a few more pictures after that. Cody, Cody, Cody…well. Okay, that’s all I’m saying.

So I Did My Taxes and.....

I didn’t know this until recently, but last year I was poor and this year I am middle class. Over the years, I have grown accustomed to looking at how much I gave in federal taxes and using that to estimate what I would get in my refund. My refund was usually a few hundred dollars less but still within the same thousand dollar range. That was before this year. This year, I made the official leap in to the middle class. I gave far more in federal taxes than I have ever given. I was excited. I was looking forward to a big tax refund this year. I usually get my taxes done in February or March, once I did them in April, but this year was different. I couldn’t wait to get my refund and pay off a few bills then put the rest in my savings and just admire it from time to time. I went to see my tax guy and was surprised to find that not only was I getting far less than I thought I was getting, but I was getting less back this year than I got last year! I didn’t understand it. My tax guy tried to explain it to me, but I didn’t like what I heard.

Before my recent refund debacle, I was baffled by comments that I read online. I didn’t understand how it was better to either be poor or rich in this country. Before you make a comment about how being poor sucks, I want to stop and say that I’m sure being poor sucks, but when you’re poor, you can get financial assistance. Sure, you might have to wait a few months, but at least help is on the way. When you’re rich, you can hire someone to help you keep more of your money in your pocket and less of your money in the government’s pocket. When you’re in the middle class, there are far fewer options for help because you usually “make too much” even if you’re barely living paycheck to paycheck. When you’re in the middle class, you don’t need a guy who’s good with numbers to help you hide your money because you don’t have any substantial money to hide.

I went online and looked up the tax rates and I saw that as my income increased, I, in fact, did owe more. This happened over the weekend, but I’m bringing it up today because of President Obama’s State of the Union Address last night. If I have to fork over my hard earned cash then so should wealthy Americans. I agree with the President. I mean come on! I could understand if people were complaining because President Obama wanted to tax the rich at some obscene rate, but that’s not what I heard in the speech and that’s not what I read in my research (because I know better than to simply trust a politician’s “facts”). Why are we continuing the tax cuts for the people who need it the least? Please don’t quote “trickle-down economics” because America is still clawing its way out of a recession and the last time I checked, the Bush tax cuts were in place during the entire free fall of our country. I know that it is unfathomable that the tax cuts would save us from a recession, but you’d think that they would at least offer a safety net…you know, since the rich are all using their extra money to create more jobs and drive the economy forward…oh wait, did I say all? I think you get the point.

Though it pains me to say this, I agree that people who make more should pay more. I don’t like how small my refund is going to be this year, but I want to be a good patriot and help my country. That said I don’t want to feel like a fool either. It’s not right to tell me to pay my “fair share” when the only people in this country who pay their “fair share” are the unlucky ones like me, who fall in the wrong income tax bracket. You can call it class warfare if you want to, because that sounds more salacious, but I’m going to call it what it is: unfair.

Addendum: After my initial post, someone asked me if I thought it was fair to only repeal the tax cuts for the wealthy but leave the other tax cuts in place. Considering the fact that I literally got a couple of pennies back for my dollars, I say I don’t really care either way. Why not take it all? And yes I’m a little bitter right now.

Job Wins

I need more time. I have so much work to do but I’m trying to take it in sections so that I don’t go crazy. I want to write, but I have a long list of job-related things that I need to do. Since my job is paying my bills, my job wins. I know that I over prepare for each class, but I can’t help it. I’m a planner and I’d rather have too many options than too few.

Pain in the Head

Today was a strange day. My students started their second semester. I have a new schedule so I need to develop a new routine. I had a horrible headache towards the end of the day. I spent the last few periods in pain. I came home and took a nap and now I feel better. I’m not sure why I had a headache. I hope I don’t have one again tomorrow because now I’m behind in terms of the things I wanted to do this evening.

Status: Playing catch-up.

No Twitter Love

I think Twitter is bad for me. I’m having a hard time making friends on there and keeping friends. People keep unfollowing me. I know I lead a boring life, but it’s still a knock to my ego. What do I need to do to keep people? It’s not a good feeling. I say that because I lost three followers today. It doesn’t matter when you have thousands of fans and you lose three, but when you barely have a hundred, you notice when the number goes down. Thankfully, this isn’t one of my bad days, so I’m able to put it in perspective. This is just another thing to shake off. I accept the challenge and I will try to be friendlier on Twitter.

Story Update Soon

The Places to Heal update should be posted this weekend! I’m so excited to be done procrastinating with it. I was looking at everything but that and now that I’ve reread it, I’m still okay with it.

I'm in a good place today. I spent last night indulging in a bunch of things that were bad for me, but now I feel completely recharged and ready to take on the world again.

It's Friday!

It’s Friday! Today was a really good day. I didn’t get as much accomplished at work as I wanted to, but I don’t care. I’m ready for the weekend. I need to recharge. Once I do that, I need to reassess a few things.

I’m happy that the dark cloud has left me because yesterday was a mess. It felt like a calamity of errors.

Status: Happy again.

Trying Not to Burn Out

Today has been one of those days. You know, one of those “what else can go wrong” kind of days. The month of December was horrible for me and January seems to be headed down a similar path. I always try to find the bright side, but sometimes there just isn’t one. December was a month of allowing myself to be used because I wanted to try different things and I don’t think that I have fully recovered. I spent the first part of January feeling good about myself and my small victories, but on days like today, small victories are nothing more than insignificant specks of dust because all I can focus on are the many defeats. I need to give myself a pep talk because I’m stringing together too many not so good days. Granted a few of those days were not so good because of certain people, but that isn’t an excuse. I don’t like feeling down. It doesn’t fit my personality. Maybe I’ll feel better after I take a nap. I don’t know. Maybe I should watch television because that usually makes me forget my problems for a little while.

Tomorrow better be a good day.

Status: Trying to shake the feeling that I’m about to burn out.

Refund?

I had my first refund today. It was strange because it was for one of my more popular stories (Starving for Love). I guess the person didn’t want to be depressed this early in the year. Sam can do that to people, so I understand.

Now for good news: I’d like to give myself a well deserved pat on the back. I have updated my blog regularly since the beginning of January and I have published a new short story each weekend. I have two weekends left for my short story blitz. Ater that, I’m going back to my regular speed, which is pretty slow.

Biting My Tongue

I’m a little disgruntled right now, but I’m trying not to get too upset. Some companies neither to either close up all of the loopholes or let it go. It’s ridiculous to enforce the rules for some people but not for others. It shouldn’t be a “luck of the draw” issue. It should be an “everyone” issue.

I’m trying to focus on the positive things because I try to be a glass half-full type of person. I was feeling good this morning. I need to recapture that feeling.

Status: Wondering if it’s a sign.

Hot and Bothered

I was thinking about Torch Song Trilogy again this morning. There’s this one scene in a barn that is just too hot for words. I always think of that scene when I think of the movie. I went to YouTube and watched the scene. I still can’t watch it without getting a little excited.

The Scene:


If you’ve seen the movie then you know that this wasn’t really a high point of the story. I’m usually against cheating, but the sexual energy that oozes from this scene made me instantly forgive both of them, because it was worth it.

Okay, I need to go cool off.

Status: Hot and bothered.

Reviews....Please

I’ve been trying out the Kindle Free book promotions. It’s nice to see a lot of units moving, but not so nice when I check the reports and see that I have earned $0 for those units and I don’t have any new reviews either. I already give my stories away for free in my group. I’m not about to make a career of doing the same thing on Amazon. I’m going to keep trying it and see if I have more sales than usual. So far my sales are about the same as before I tried the promotions. I checked the reports today and that bothered me. I need to either have more sales or more reviews. At this point, I wouldn’t care if a person posted a negative review because at least then I would have some feedback.

I read about successful Kindle authors and all I can think is that I want to reach their status. Each has their own story of success. Some advertised a lot and some barely did any advertising, yet all are successful. I’m just going to keep working and see how things go this year. I don’t need much, but it would be nice to feel like an established writer and I won’t feel that way until writing is my career.

Status: Trying not to be discouraged.

It's Cold Outside

I’m feeling good this morning. It is before noon and I have already completed most of the things on my to do list for today. Now I can spend my time working on a new story. Here’s a poem inspired by the snow outside my window:


Stuck in the Cold

The snow fell as the lovers argued
He was telling her to go left
She was telling him to stop talking
The frustration built inside them
Until they both exploded
With angry gestures and menacing looks
They filled the car with their heat
Then a cold breeze froze their words
And silence took the wheel
He watched as she turned to the left
But he knew not to speak
She warmed the air with four words,
“I hate the cold.”
He smiled, “Me too.”

Jesus is Love...Isn't He?

I saw this video on YouTube and I had to post it:



His video is clearly aimed at Christians. The video made me think about my own decision to stop going to church. When I was younger, I went to church every Sunday, then that changed to every holiday and eventually it changed to rarely ever. I liked the singing, but I didn’t like most of the other aspects. I tried a few churches, but most of the time I didn’t feel right when I was there. I quickly tired of hearing the latest church gossip and hearing the preacher damn all homosexuals. It wasn’t the right environment for me. I was surrounded by Sunday Christians and I couldn’t help but judge them.

I understand that no one is perfect. Even I, as close to perfection as I am, have flaws. I make mistakes. I do things that aren’t considered “Christian,” but I admit when I’m wrong. In my heart, I believe that Christianity is about love. Religion in general is meant to bring people together; instead, it’s used to pull people apart. I don’t understand how you can hate someone simply because they have different beliefs. I know this isn’t unique to Christianity, but Christianity is the only religion I can comment on. A good Christian should be willing to lend a helping hand, unfortunately, that hand is often accompanied by a stiff arm if you don’t fall in line.

I don’t care about a person’s religion. I have friends who practice a variety of religions other than Christianity, from Judaism, to Islam to Hinduism to Buddhism. I know a few atheists, and that neither bothers me, nor offends me. As long as a person doesn’t trample on my rights or hurt people, I’m all for them practicing or not practicing any religion. With MLK Day so close, I think we all need to reflect on his I Have a Dream speech. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we stopped judging each other on silly things and took the time to get to know each other on a personal level? Why is it so hard to judge someone by the content of their character? I’m not saying you have to hold hands and love everyone, because some personalities aren’t meant to mesh, but you should at least be respectful of each other.

Okay, I think I’m done with my rant.

Torch Song Trilogy

I was randomly thinking about Torch Song Trilogy today. The movie version, not the musical. I’ve seen it a couple of times over the years. I know it is super old at this point (1988….even though I didn’t see it until the mid 90s), but something about it tugged at my heart. It was sad, but it wasn’t sad. I guess bittersweet is the best way to describe it. I was surprised by what happened to Matthew Broderick’s character, but the movie marched on and things weren’t so bad. It’s one of those movies that make me think about the fact that things don’t always go according to plan, but I have to keep moving because there’s always something else waiting down the pipeline. It’s okay if I’m not where I dreamed I would be at my age. I just need to keep moving towards my dreams. I’m not in a position to have things given to me. I have to work for any and everything I want. I know that and I don’t have a problem with that. I need to feel useful and I do. My purpose may be to write but that doesn’t mean that I can’t make a difference with my day job. I’m there for a reason. That’s why I try to make the best of it.

Where did my Energy go?

I’m sluggish lately. I had lots of energy during the first 9 days of January, but I can feel the energy slowly seeping from my body. I have such lofty goals for this year and I’m barely making moves. I’m achieving a lot of small goals, which is good for me, but I need to start working on bigger projects. I was tired most of yesterday and now I’m tired again today, but I don’t have time to be tired. I need to find energy from somewhere. I’ve wasted enough time to know that the saying is true: Life doesn’t wait for anyone. I have to step up my game because the life I’m living now is not the life I was meant to live and I know that.

I refuse to let this year become like all the others. Some resolutions should be kept, no matter how hard I have to work for them.

Stop Smashing Things...Please

The word “smash” is really beginning to work on my nerves. I’m tired of hearing it. You can smash your finger. You can smash a person. You can look smashing. You can smash food. You can have a smashing time. You can be smashed. Is there anything you can’t do with the word smash? Can we please use a different word sometimes? I hear it way too much.

Libraries Still Exist?

In case you missed the tweet…Regiting is free today! I’m trying out Amazon’s promotional program to see how it works. So far, I kind of like what I see. It’s nice to have a decent ranking for a change. Go me! Even though it has little to do with me and everything to do with the fact that the book is free, but ssh. I’m going to pretend that it is all about me. So there! Lol.

I had a long day at work today, but I’m still planning on going to the library tonight so that I can do research on one of my future books. I haven’t seen the inside of a library in ages. The internet makes everything so easy. Since I’m not watching tv until 8 because it’s a weekday (one of my resolutions), I thought I should go to the library and actually touch a real book. That’s going to be weird.

Deniz and Roman, Christian and Olli, Luke and Reid

I went on Youtube today for the first time since I watched Roman collapse on the ice and die (Deniz and Roman). At that time, Christian and Oliver were preparing for their divorce and it was all too painful for me to watch.

Today, I watched a few cute videos and I wanted to share one of them, but Youtube decided that it didn’t want me to be able to share the video and I didn’t have the patience to wait for Youtube to behave properly.

I decided to share a few pictures instead. These pictures are from some of my favorite clips between these couples. I see these pictures and I remember the entire scene.

Deniz and Roman

Christian and Olli

Luke and Reid

I know Luke and Noah was the big story for years, but I really liked Luke and Reid. I thought it was a healthier relationship for Luke and Luke seemed less pathetic. Reid was good for him. Shame the Luke and Reid story ended the same way as the Deniz and Roman storyline. Bye, bye Reid. :-(. The only good thing was that the show itself ended. Otherwise they would have had to find a way to bring Reid back because he was great. It's still weird seeing Van and Eric on other shows, but I'm glad to see that they are both getting work.

Confident Again

So apparently I’m a boring person. Lol. I’ve never claimed to be anything else. I live to write and I’m focusing on that right now. I’m sorry if that means that I have less time to hang out, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. I want to be focused during January. I am going to pour the majority of my free time in to my family and my writing. I may not feel the same when February comes, but that’s how I feel today.

I changed who I was in the name of being more adventurous and hopefully finding love and all I ended up finding was myself. I like who I am and who I want to be. It’s not my problem if the same can’t be said for you. I hope this doesn’t sound angry, because I’m not. It has been a long time since I have felt this driven and confident.

One Week Down

I survived my self-imposed television restriction during the work week. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to wait until 8. I worked on the computer: I tweeted, I blogged, I wrote, I edited and I was able to limit the time I wasted reading articles online. All in all, this was a good week. 2012 is off to a great start!

I need to publish another short story this weekend because I'm determined to post a new short story each weekend in January. I think that is an easily obtainable goal as long as I stay focused. It's nice to feel like I'm doing something. I don't regret my time management.

Status: Feeling like I'm accomplishing something.

Cheaters and the people who love them

I was looking at some of my old posts because I like to reminisce sometimes and check in with the old me. On September 5, 2009, I posted the poem “Between Two Lovers.” I read it and I’d like to repost it today and dedicate it to all the cheaters out there and the people who love them.


Between Two Lovers

It’s the in-between that suits him,
Fits him like it’s been tailored
Custom made for him and him alone
That’s what makes it different
He’s laughed and joked and played along
Walking the tightrope between both sides
Somewhere in the middle is where he’ll stay
He’ll tell them to sort things out
But he won’t stand by either
He’ll wait there until someone cuts the rope,
Freeing him to swing away.

I'm Having an Affair

I'm tired. It was a long day at work. It's weird how time is. Some days feel longer than others but I usually spend the same amount of time there. I miss yesterday. After two glorious days spent writing, being at work makes me feel down. It's like my writing is Mr. Wonderful and I'm cheating on him with Mr. I'll Pay Your Bills.

I'm Weak

I was looking for possible images to use as covers for one of my stories and I saw this picture by Troofire:

This image took my breath away. It's so beautiful.

Bye Bye Television. Oh How I Love Thee.

I’m limiting my television watching and recreational internet usage. I have been far too distracted by reruns of my favorite shows and by interesting sounding articles. My goal for weekdays during January is to only watch television during primetime with the exception of the 15 minutes of news that I watch in the morning. I will try to have most of my internet usage involve self-promotion or research. I’ll still take time to socialize both online and off, but I really want to be focused during the week. January is a time to reinvent yourself and I’m reinventing myself as a hard working struggling author.

I’m also a wannabe poet, so here is another one of my poems:


The Chair

He wants to throw out the chair,
He says it takes up too much space.
I say it can’t be replaced.

It’s old and worn but it’s ours
It was the first thing we bought together
And it was a prize back then.
It was the best looking chair in the room.

He loved it when it was new
He sat in it for hours at a time
And left behind crumbs and stains.
Now he can’t stand to look at it.

To me the chair is a part of us
I see the stains as signs of use
But he sees them as mistakes.
He wants to make them go away.

He wants to throw out the chair,
Because he thinks it’s time to let go of the past.
I want to keep it,
Because I don’t want to forget too fast.

A New Year, A New Me

I love the first few days of a new year because I'm always working my hardest on those days. It's like receiving a clean slate. I'm trying not to dwell on the mistakes I made last year because I cannot undo them and for the first time in months, I am devoting lots of time to my writing. I ended 2011 with the drive to make 2012 the best year thus far in the evolution of my writing career. I feel good about things. I'm ready to invest more time and energy in to having a career as a writer. I know my day job is getting in the way of my writing but I have to be proactive and squeeze in more time to write and more time to advertize for myself because shameless promotion should be every author's best friend, yet I have been treating it like someone who I recognize but don't know.