Not A People Person

Today was not a good day. I had to socialize with people I had no interest in socializing with and that put me in a bad mood. Sometimes I wish I was more of a people person.

After Summer

Not worth living
That’s how it feels,
Like if it doesn’t bleed, it can’t be real.

Sentenced to blow away in the wind
While future replacements lie in wait.
How come old leaves have to go away
Just so new ones can take their place?

I used to think I could stay in this spot forever
But I’m being pushed towards the door
And pulled outside by a dream of something more.

Like the leaves, I can no longer remain stationary,
It’s time to glide through the air and try to fly.
A new journey ushered in by the return of fall,
The transition to winter has begun.

Status: Trying to be less miserable.

Short Poem

Withered

I’m sending you a rose in the mail
Tenderly tucked between the pages of a long letter
It will die before it reaches you
But I thought you would appreciate the sentiment.

Your rose will go a minimum of three days with no water and no air
Deprived of the very elements it needs to live
I hope it finds you just where you should be
And maybe it will remind you of how you left me.

Status: Finding some routine.

It's Been 26 Days Since My Last Post

It has been a long time since my last post and I apologize for that to the two of you who read this.

I was slacking before my friend came to visit and I think my friend’s visit tuckered me out more than I realized because getting back to work depressed me, but I did it and worked through it. I’m getting myself adjusted to a new routine, which is difficult for me. I’ve neglected my blog and updates to the group along with making changes to the website, but I am starting to feel refreshed and I finished a novel which makes me smile even though I don’t know what I’m going to do with it.

Status: Happy to finally have made another post.

Busy Bee

I wish I could add more hours to the day. Not permanently, but just for a few days so I can catch up on all the things I need to do. I am feeling overwhelmed by life at the moment. It seems my to do list is longer than it has ever been before and I’m feeling frazzled. I’m trying to pace myself and handle everything one thing at a time, but my pace is kicking me in the rear. I don’t want to speed up and do things incorrectly, but at the same time, I won’t be making many improvements on my list if I continue at my current pace. I need to speed up. I can’t wait until after Tuesday. After Tuesday, my schedule should clear up dramatically until the next Wednesday, so I’ll have a week to bask in the feeling of normalcy that has removed itself from my grasp during the past few days.

Status: Thinking I feel like a chicken with its head cut off, but wondering how anyone really knows how that feels.

I Said Please

I am getting tired of helping other people. Does that make me a bad person? If I don’t even want to do my own work, what makes you think I want to help you do yours? I feel bad when I have thoughts like that, like I’m guilty of some offense that makes me less of a friend. I know it should be okay for me to say no from time to time, but I don’t really like the sound of no. I’m not saying I can’t say no, but rather the only people I enjoy saying no to are salesmen and children; salesmen because they’re annoying and children because they need to learn that they won’t hear yes every time they ask for something. I remember telling my niece no once and she responded by saying, “I said please” as if by her adding please to her original question, my response should have been an automatic yes. I found it amusing, but I didn’t laugh at her, instead, I explained to her that saying please does not mean the answer will be yes.

I need to make myself less helpful and less available. It’s a shame I know I won’t.

Status: Wishing I was less of a pleaser.

Just a Thought

Okay, here’s a random poem I wrote:

A Word You Shouldn’t Say

There’s a word you shouldn’t say,
Attached to images and ancestors and things that shouldn’t be forgotten
One word with the slickness of a sucker punch and the aim of a marksman
Fine tuned by time to not only slice and cut but to spread as well
Memories of the past woven intricately around two syllables
Like a multi-colored quilt of the old and the new
Built with layers of items no longer wanted
And constantly adding new pieces
There’s a word that has transcended the boundaries of language
A word that has dared to attempt to define itself.

There’s a word you shouldn’t say,
Attached to different meanings made famous and infamous by opposite colors
One word with a definition that changes and adapts to the situation
Fine tuned from person to person, group to group and time to time
Memories of its use are shared and individualized
Like a vase carefully molded by other people’s hands
Built with the same material but baring a shape all its own
And constantly carrying the burden of its birth
There’s a word that has evolved in to something bigger than its size
A word that has dared to bring itself to life.


Status: Thinking about the news.

Lustyville Has Gone to Hollyoaks

Hello, my name is Lustyville and I am addicted to Hollyoaks. Darn you John Paul and Kieron and even you Craig, because I hear you’re returning! My addiction began like any other addiction. I saw a few clips of the show on YouTube and it looked interesting. I started looking for more clips. Soon I was staying up half the night watching the love story of John Paul and Craig, John Paul and Spike, and of course the most recent one, John Paul and Kieron (formerly known as Father Kieron). I had to get up to date. It wasn’t optional, it was a necessity. I was constantly thinking about the show and wondering what happened in the episodes I hadn’t seen yet, so much so that I neglected blogging and updating my group and a few other tasks that I probably should have done. Fortunately, kind YouTube users edited the show so that I could focus my attention on the couple who I cared about the most which was always John Paul and some boy/man.

I thought John Paul really outdid himself with getting Craig to pick him over Sarah, but then Father Kieron came along. I want to know what the hell does John Paul have for a priest to abandon his vow of celibacy and ultimately give up the cloth entirely just so he can be with John Paul? I mean damn, can I have a little of that? I promise to only use my powers for good.

So now I’m up to date with the story and I can relax a little. John Paul and Kieron are together, but the rumor mill is saying that Craig is coming back to town. Ahh! It’s too much! The guy who plays John Paul is supposed to be leaving the show and the guy who plays Craig is only going to be back for a short time, so everyone is saying that John Paul will leave Kieron for Craig and John Paul and Craig will have a sunset ending. Is it true? Will they? Won’t they? I can’t wait until I see how everything plays out.

I’m sure I’ll have another addiction next week, but Hollyoaks was definitely the flavor of this week. Why can’t Noah and Luke be like John Paul and his men?

(On a side note, Niall is so unbelievably devious and psychotic, but my goodness he’s a cutie pie. There I said it.)

Status: Wishing the John Paul storyline could be updated everyday :-(.