I’ve been reading a few articles online about Abraham
Lincoln and speculation that he was either gay or bisexual. The part of the
articles that struck me was the idea that men shared beds with other men during
Lincoln’s time and it wasn’t frowned on by other people. Men were allowed to be
homosocial towards each other without being ostracized. The articles acknowledged
that men often shared beds because of economic reasons, but I was stuck on the
idea that it happened at all. How did society change so much in the wrong
direction? Now you can barely get away with admitting to share a bed with a
male family member and you certainly shouldn’t publicly admit to sharing a bed
with another man who isn’t related to you.
This is another one of those gender based double standards
that exist in America. Women can hold hands, go to the bathroom together, share
beds with each other, dance with each other and kiss and not be considered
lesbians. It’s unfair that women are free to be homosocial but men are not. The
same privileges need to be extended to men. The root of the issue isn’t about
being gay or straight. Maybe Lincoln had close relationships with men because
he was gay or maybe he had close relationships with men because society allowed
him to show his love for other men in intimate ways. Our current societal code
of conduct for straight men robs them of the option to be openly intimate with
each other. I’m not referring to sexual intimacy, but rather the closeness that
is sometimes seen between two women. Why can’t two straight male best friends walk
down a street holding hands or arm in arm and not have to deal with explaining their
friendship to everyone who sees them?
We have made a few strides towards the right direction. I’m
a fan of the term “bromance” because it affirms that a man can be in love with
another man without wanting anything from him sexually. It is possible for
people to be drawn to each other and to feel deeply connected to each other without
wanting each other. It would be nice if male friendships were allowed to exist
on a spectrum. Some friends are extremely close to each other while others are
more like associates, but neither should have their friendship questioned or
judged.
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1 comment:
Very good post. "Funny" thing is that men holding hands in Arab countries, Africa and some Asian countries is very common and they're not considered homosexual for it. Sometimes the west is just backwards.
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