Why Did You Have to Make it About Race?

By now, you should have heard the headline: A white woman was impregnated with the wrong sperm and the result was a mixed-race child. I've waited all month to post about this case. I wanted to hear the facts and take a couple of weeks to remove my emotions from the situation. I think I'm finally ready to give my opinion. 

For starters, Jennifer Cramblett and her partner, Amanda Zinkon are right to sue Midwest Sperm Bank for giving them the wrong sperm. The mistake was inexcusable and someone needs to pay the price. These women asked for a blue-eyed, blonde hair, white donor and received an African-American donor. Clearly, their expectations were not met. I would expect a lawsuit even if they received sperm from a white donor who had brown eyes and brown hair, because that donor would not meet their requirements.

I think that the lawyer should have focused the complaint on the ineptness of the sperm bank and backwards method used by the bank. Using handwritten notes for vial numbers in 2011 is unbelievable. Inseminating a woman with the wrong sperm on multiple occasions is inexcusable. The sperm bank has to be held accountable for its mistake, and had the lawsuit stuck to that offense, I would be pushing for the sperm bank to pay some obscene settlement so that all sperm banks understand that you can't make mistakes like this.

Unfortunately, the lawsuit couldn't stick to the mistake. The lawsuit had to explain why a lesbian couple having a mixed race child in Uniontown, Ohio was an unbelievably challenging experience. According to the lawsuit, after Cramblett was informed about the mix up, "she began to cry uncontrollably. She began to shake and she could not breathe. She could not speak or think straight. Her hands and feet became numb." This rubbed me the wrong way. I could understand her crying and being extremely upset, but to behave as if someone just told her that she was giving birth to the spawn of Satan is a bit much. I read that part of the lawsuit and my interpretation was: The mere thought of having a non-white child sent her in to breakdown mode.

My personal favorite part of the lawsuit is the line, "On August 21, 2012, Jennifer gave birth to Payton, a beautiful, obviously mixed race, baby girl." For me the emphasis was on the "obviously mixed race" and made me wonder if there would have been such outrage if the child wasn't "obviously mixed race." The lawsuit takes care to explain that "Jennifer bonded with Payton"  and that she and her partner love Payton. However, in that same paragraph, the article goes on to say that "Jennifer lives each day with fears, anxieties and uncertainty" and she "admits that she was raised around stereotypical attitudes about people other than those in her all-white environment" and that "family members...speak openly and derisively about persons of color." This immediately threw up red flags for me and had me cursing the lawyer for taking that route. How can I feel sympathy for you when you were perfectly content with the idea of raising a white child in a community that you knew fostered hatred for non-white people? Are you serious? You want me to feel bad for you because you now have a mixed race child who is screwing up your all-white community? Really?

Oh, but it gets better. The lawsuit says, "As just one example, getting a young daughter's hair cut is not particularly stressful for most mothers, but...Jennifer...because Payton has hair typical of an African American girl...must travel to a black neighborhood, far from where she lives, where she is obviously different in appearance and not overtly welcome."  This part had me stuck somewhere between laughing from disbelief and outrage that the lawyer actually put that in the lawsuit as an example of how having a mixed race child has impacted Cramblett's life. I get what is being implied by the "typical of an African-American girl" part. I think most people get it. I have two bones to pick with that statement. First of all, African-American girls have all types of hair textures, if you don't believe me, go online and look through the categories of natural hair that are determined by the curl patterns of the hair. Second of all, I've seen the pictures of the little girl and she has what I consider to be typical mixed race hair. Take from that whatever you will. Now, I'll try to be brief with the other parts. You don't get sympathy from me because you live far away from a black neighborhood or because you look different from black people. As for the "not overtly welcome" part, what do you want them to do? Lay down the red carpet for you or bend over backwards to show you that they love and accept white people? Maybe you don't feel welcomed because you act like you don't want to be there or because you're nervous because you are not accustomed to being around black people. People can pick up on whether you seem standoffish or not. And heaven forbid if Cramblett mentioned that she was from Uniontown, you know that lily white, racist community far away from you people.

The lawsuit continues and explains that "one of Jennifer's biggest fears is the life experiences Payton will undergo, not only in her all-white community, but in her all-white, and often unconsciously insensitive family." Jennifer admits that her family hasn't fully accepted her homosexuality. Now we get to the part where I agree with Jennifer. Jennifer can hide what makes her different, but Payton cannot. "Jennifer does not want Payton to feel stigmatized or unrecognized due simply to the circumstances of her birth." Her "stress and anxiety intensify when she envisions Payton entering an all-white school." She is "well aware of the child psychology research and literature correlating intolerance and racism with reduced academic and psychological well-being of biracial children" and because of this, "for her psychological and parental well-being, she must relocate to a racially diverse community with good schools." (This is where I ignore the fact that Jennifer and her partner chose to move from a racially diverse community, back to a racist community to raise what they thought would be their white child.) I think it's great that Jennifer wants Payton to grow up in a welcoming environment where Payton can flourish. That is what all parents should want for their children.

I want Jennifer to win more than enough money to move so that she, her partner and Payton can live a decent life in a diverse community, but I don't want the decision to be based on saving a black child from a racist white community or the potential horrors of raising a black child in an all-white community. I want the decision to be based on the fact that the sperm bank screwed up. I felt bad for Jennifer when she was on television crying because people thought that she was a racist based on the facts of the case. I don't think that she is a racist, but I do think that her lawyer is an idiot who inadvertently painted her in that light. You can't argue about all the terrible consequences of having a mixed-race child then say that the case isn't about race, but the case never should have been about race. The lawyer should have formed the same argument that he would have formed if Jennifer had been given sperm from a brown hair, brown eyed, white donor, because that argument works just as well in this case.

In conclusion, if you can get the money without making it about race, don't make it about race. Race is far too sensitive and divisive of an issue to just casually toss in to an argument without expecting to light a few fires.  

Raven-Symone is Right

For the most part, labels suck. Labels put you in a box and then people freak out when you try to step outside the box. Unfortunately, labeling is easy. It helps sort people into simplistic categories. I don't see anything wrong with Raven-Symone not wanting to be labeled as gay or African-American. A label free America is my idea of Utopia, yet even I, as much as I dislike labels, still own the labels that I have been given and still assign labels to others. It's not right, but I do it.  

I don't like being called African-American. My parents are not from Africa. Both of my parents have solid American roots that contain slave and Native American ancestors. I am probably more "American" than many Americans. 

I wrote this poem over two years ago, but today seems like a good day to post it again:

Simply American

Let’s forget for a second that you and I have different complexions
Let’s pretend like we don’t see color or pick up subtle inflections
I will call you my brother because we are a part of the human race
And you will look me in my eyes when you look at my face
You will respect my right to live in a land my ancestors helped build
And you won’t question why I’m in the house instead of the field
We will fight and argue like all families do
But when push comes to shove, I will be right beside you
And one day we will see with our own eyes
That I am an American, no hyphen, no other A to capitalize.  

Twitter Controversy over Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder

So apparently People magazine tweeted a controversial comment about How to Get Away with Murder. The magazine tweeted "Waiting for Viola to break into 'You is kind. You is smart. You is important.' #HowToGetAwayWithMurder" and people responded with claims of racism. Am I the only person who realizes that the comment was in reference to the movie The Help? You know, that movie about black maids in the south. The one that Viola Davis starred in and said that iconic line? Yeah, that one. How does connecting her with her biggest role to date constitute a racist statement? Does that mean that I'm racist when I see Denzel Washington and think "King Kong aint got *nothing on me!" or Arnold Schwarzenegger and think "I'll be back?" I didn't know associating actors with their past roles was racist. Why didn't anyone tell me? I think I know why: because it's not racist. Calling racism over a comment like that is the reason why some people don't take real racism seriously. You can't just throw around the term. 

People magazine also tweeted a comment about Scandal. The tweet read: "Olivia's back to straight hair so you KNOW she means business. #Scandal" and was met with accusations of being offensive. Do people actually watch the show? If so, they would know that Olivia Pope rocks the straight hair when she's being the hardcore, don't f*** with me, Olivia Pope. Seeing her with curly hair while she was thousands of miles away was a sign that she was completely relaxed and able to literally let her hair down. She didn't have to be hard and inflexible, she could be soft and bending.  I like that she had her "at peace" hair style and her "at work" style. I don't understand why it was an issue. The real question is, was she or was she not more serious with the straight hair than she was with the curly hair? She clearly behaved like a different person once her hair was straight. Publicly acknowledging that does not make the person who acknowledged it a racist or insinuate that there were racial undertones. 

I'm not saying that people don't have a right to be offended, but I am saying that people need to have thicker skin. If you want to be offended, then you will be. Most statements can be taken many different ways. Instead of choosing to sweat the petty stuff, how about channeling that energy towards finding ways to bring people together?

*The line in the movie is actually "King Kong aint got shit on me," but I prefer the censored line.

Is it Wednesday Yet?

If you follow my blog, you already know that I am obsessed with Zankie. At my worst (which was when Zankie was at their best) I was a sleep deprived mess. I tried to fight them, but I failed miserably. Those boys had me going to bed in the wee hours of the morning and waking up a few hours later reaching for my phone to see what happened while I was sleeping. It was bad. Thankfully my day job didn't suffer too much and my obsession calmed down a little when Zach was sent packing.  They are both out of the house so I no longer have to care about the live feed updates, but I'm still obsessed with the status of their friendship. This Wednesday is the big day. As Marc would say, "I need to know. I need to know."

Update: As of 9/24/2014, Zach and Frankie are both reporting that they are best friends. Yay! Zankie is real! I don't know why that makes me so happy, but it does. I wish them many, many years of friendship and I really hope that the bond they have formed remains the same. 

Okay Black People

During any given day, I usually have a couple of "okay black people" moments and I'm black, so not only am I allowed to have them, but I'm also allowed to talk about them. I recorded Friday's episode of Utopia. I haven't seen many episodes since the premiere but I figured I would check in on the cast. Anyway, a white guy made a comment to a white woman that she found so racial that she had to run and tell the black guy. I was wondering what the guy said. Fortunately they edited in his actual comments. The white guy said something like he hoped the next woman who entered the community didn't prefer black men. He said it because he's single and he wants some loving too. I immediately understood his comments. As a black person, I didn't find it offensive or racial at all. It seemed logical to me. I was somewhat annoyed that the woman went and repeated it and made it seem like something that it wasn't. Sometimes people are way too sensitive about race. Every time a person's race is mentioned does not mean that it's a racial discussion. I purposely used white guy, white woman and black guy in this paragraph, because, like it or not, race is one way of describing people. The issue was resolved after the black guy confronted the white guy and let him know that some of his jokes rubbed him the wrong way. There was a blow up and later they reconnected and had a civil discussion about it and the black guy accepted the white guy's apology. For me, the drama was over nothing. 

This morning, I planned to only discuss the incident that happened on Utopia, but I saw an article that caught my attention. Apparently, Rahm Emanuel (the mayor of Chicago) was going to name a new school after President Barack Obama. The article said that he changed his mind "amid ongoing criticism from African-Americans who felt the honor inappropriate for a school slated for a wealthy, predominantly white part of the Near North Side." Um...okay black people. I guess only a black school should be named after a black president. Let's completely ignore the fact that Barack Obama is half white and that he was raised by the white side of his family in a predominantly white community and that he and Michelle had worked their way in to being "haves" before running for president was even a thought on their political agenda. Let's pretend that we missed the fact that the president finished his undergrad at Columbia University (my alma mater) or that both he and his wife went to Harvard Law School, and let's completely ignore the fact that his two daughters attend an "elite school" in Washington D.C. Let's wish the facts away and picture Barack Obama as a black president and nothing more. Let's ignore the fact that he is America's president and that he has only recently sought initiatives to help poor minority communities. Let's just pretend that he is one of us. He's just your average hardworking black person. Now open your eyes and look at the reality of the situation. Barack Obama is neither poor  nor middle class, he is securely situated among the upper class. He is a wealthy, half white, American. Why can't his name be on an elite school in a wealthy, predominantly white part of town? Do you know how many poor predominantly black schools are named after white presidents? Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way, but I like the idea of a presumably mostly white school being named after a non-white president. Let's stop talking about being post-racial and let's actually make some progress towards that goal. Barack Obama is not solely black America's president, so stop treating him like he is. Okay black people?

To be Rich in America

I went to visit my mother on Saturday and she was watching this show called Young, Hot and Crooked or something like that. The first episode was okay. The second one started and I saw the name Ethan Couch and I asked my mother to turn it because I couldn't watch it without getting upset. She wanted to see how the show portrayed the story, so she didn't turn the channel. 

I watched the show and just as I predicted, I was livid by the end of it. In fact, I'm still upset. How a person can kill four people and badly injure two others and only have to go to rehab is beyond me. I don't care if his parents were terrible parents (which they were) or if he was never really punished for his previous crimes (which he wasn't). I care about the message that was sent to the families of the dead and the injured. I care about the message that was sent to Ethan. If ever there was a time for a young man to meet with consequences, surely this was it. The worst part was that it wasn't Ethan's first drunk driving offense. He had already been given a slap on the wrist and yet, here he was again, only this time he had blood on his hands and his parents, his attorneys and the judge who let him go essentially told him to wash off the blood and move on with his life. One would think that the cure to Affluenza (being so rich that you never have to deal with the  consequences of your actions) would be to have to deal with the consequences of your actions. And to anyone dumb enough to argue that 10 years probation and rehab is a real consequence, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that there are people in jail for petty things like not paying tickets. This kid killed four people and was not sentenced to any jail time. 

I truly hope that the boy's family somehow paid off the judge because that is easier for me to swallow than the thought that the Affluenza defense worked. 

The verdict proved what poor people in this country have always known: the justice system is different for the rich. Do rich people sometimes go to jail for their crimes? Of course! Do poor people sometimes get off for their crimes? Yes! But being able to afford the best attorneys often comes with lighter sentences or no sentence at all. It is an advantage that is not known to poor people and I don't say that as a way of begrudging rich people for having money, but rather as a way of pointing out that the justice system favors them.

The justice system never has been and probably never will be fair, nor is it equal. In America, just as in most of the world, money talks.