I'm Okay Today

I got a lot of work accomplished today and I found this poem I wrote:

Between Us

Friendship stands between us
As you wrap your arms around me
Pressing our bodies together.
I contemplate pushing friendship aside
But I step back instead.

Six years ago we met for the first time
As you were moving in the room next to mine
Trying to be closer to your girlfriend.
She lasted five more months
While we have lasted ever since.

In my head it’s so easy to tell you how I feel
I can express myself a hundred different ways
And I can imagine you confessing to feeling the same
But I lack the courage to pursue my fantasies
Because I’d rather watch you be happy with someone else
Than risk you not speaking to me.

Friendship stands between us
Like an unobtrusive brick wall
Sometimes I climb and stand on top
But I never come down on your side
For fear of crashing to the ground.

There are times when I believe I can do it
Times when I convince myself I need to know
Then I look in your eyes
And suddenly I’m afraid of losing you
Because friendship stands between us.


Status: Relaxing.

All Good Things Must Begin To Come To An End. Goodbye Kieron! John Paul and Craig Will Soon Be Gone Too...

I’m feeling tired for some reason. I think watching Niall poison Kieron and then seeing John Paul find the body was too depressing for me. I can’t imagine how John Paul must feel. Why did Niall and his super evil self have to make it look like a suicide? Myra should know better though, because Kieron called her. Why would he kill himself before he told her what he found out or without leaving a note?

I’d just like to put a warning for everyone out there: If you find out someone’s big secret, I don’t recommend letting them fix you a meal or open your drink for you because some people are willing to kill for their secrets. After discovering Niall’s secret, it should have been clear to Kieron that he didn’t know Niall at all, and therefore he couldn’t trust him, but that may just be my twisted, “I’ve seen that movie too many times” mentality. I just think they could have done better with that part. I understand what they were trying to show, Kieron considered Niall to be a friend and on top of that, Kieron was a trusting person, but I wish he could have gone another way.

As for John Paul, I can’t wait until next week to see how he deals with what he thinks happened and reconciles that with what he was coming to tell Kieron.

Status: Dealing with the closure of a storyline I enjoyed and the realization that all of my Hollyoaks' boys are leaving me.

Breaking News: There Are Comments On Posts!

Someone has commented on some of my posts! I’m sure I am way too excited about that, but I can’t help it. It made my night! Pathetic, I know, but true. I was going to respond to one of the comments, but then I changed my mind and decided to respond in a more public way. Thank you, bow (bow is the name of the person who posted comments, not a reference to me taking a bow), for your comments! I always just assume nobody is reading (because my friends don’t even read my blog), which is why it has taken me this long to look down at my old posts and notice there were comments. I guess I should probably check the box to be emailed when someone comments. Maybe it will happen again.

My first thought when I saw a comment was, "Perhaps I should start censoring myself," but then I remembered the beauty of blogging is that it is not supposed to be censored. That said, I apologize in advance for my less than normal ways and for some of the not so good poems I will shamelessly inflict on you.

Status: Feeling better after an impromptu pick-me-up.

No Longer in Love

Have you ever been so in love with someone and then they do one thing and they are completely ruined in your eyes? That’s what happened last night. I was in New York City during 9/11 and that’s when I fell in political love with Giuliani. I watched him in action and was amazed that Giuliani, as the mayor of New York City, showed more leadership skills in a time of crisis than Bush and his entire administration. I loved Giuliani and no one could persuade me otherwise. The more I learned about his policies and political positions, the more I loved him. He wasn’t ultra-conservative but he wasn’t ridiculously liberal either. I’m an independent and most of my family and friends are either democrats or lean heavily towards the Democratic Party. Many of them were outraged when I made it known that if Giuliani was the Republican nominee he would have my vote. They bombarded me with questions such as, “After eight years of Bush, how can you even consider voting for a Republican?” My answer was simple, “I’m not voting for a party, I’m voting for him because I believe he is the best candidate. I agree with many of his policies and above all else, I trust his ability to lead the country during a time of crisis.” Until last night, I adored this man. Now I see that he is no better than any of the Democrats or Republicans and that hurts. His speech left me both shocked and appalled. Now I have to say that I no longer adore him. In fact, I am very disappointed in him.

Status: Seeing living proof that people can watch the exact same event and come up with a million different interpretations.

I'm Going to Do It

So I was sitting around today listening to more crap about Palin’s daughter when I started thinking about the Science of Us, in which there is a teen pregnancy sub plot, that involves marriage, and the stars of the story are two (gay) hockey players. I promised it would not make it to its third anniversary. I said I would have the last chapters posted this summer and the book version available, but I haven’t. Thanks to the vice presidential drama, I have been inspired again to part ways with the story that started the group. I’m going to try to post the next chapter in the coming week and the next one shortly after that. I’ve been holding on to this story for far too long. I know I say that every time I get the courage to just end it, but I mean it this time. The Science of Us has to be all online this year. No excuses.

Status: Surprisingly still obsessed with Hollyoaks. I can’t wait to see how this whole John Paul, Craig thing plays out, especially since I know Kieron is about to meet an untimely end at the hands of my handsome but devilish Niall. (Darn you Niall, you handsome psycho you!) All of my favorite characters are about to leave Hollyoaks so I guess my love affair with the show will be nothing more than a summer fling.

Slow and Steady

Today was a slow day. I’m sharing another random poem I wrote.

Changed

Your fingertips speak eloquently to my arm
Tracing words into my flesh
And leaving the reminder of direct contact;
I wonder if you understand what’s changed.

Your eyes hold an in-depth conversation with mine
Calling for the reunification of two continents
And promising a bridge that will never break;
I wonder if you understand what’s changed.

Your smile dares to give subtext to your statements
Twisting your original words in to food for thought
And leaving the reminder of a requested resolution;
I wonder if you understand what’s changed.

Your embrace sings a soothing song to my soul
Countering yesterday with fantasies of tomorrow
And promising a bridge for the past to travel under;
I wonder if you understand what’s changed.

Your power over me has faded away
Leaving the reminder of an old flame
And promising a bridge that leads to something new;
I wonder if you understand that I have gotten over you.


Status: Wondering if slow and steady really wins the race.

Food!

I barbecued today and successfully killed five bees and one fly who were attempting to get near my food. It’s weird because I felt bad killing them. I tried to shoo them away but they kept coming back, which meant they had to die. Whoever says the honeybee population is dying out, obviously hasn’t been to my area. I’ve seen more honeybees recently than I have in a long time.

Status: Thinking about a career as a professional bug swatter.